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Your question: Bi crush
"Dear Mookychick,
So, I have two interlocking problems. First, I'm bisexual and open about it with my friends (two of the three best friends are bi as well, one boy and one girl) but I don't like talking about it too much because I think it gives people a false idea of who I am.
Anyway, this school year I started being friends with a girl who has been in my grade since kindergarten (we're seniors in high school now) and I just realized how cool and down to earth she is. We are polar opposites in every way- she's really athletic and an A plus student who travels around the world to help third world countries. In comparison, I am really artsy (and mooky) and just struggling to graduate and went to Transylvania and did nothing but get drunk with hot translators and until the last couple of months I had never talked to her for more than a few moments.
I am starting to develop a crush on her but I am really worried I am imagining all the chemistry between us. I am pretty certain she is hitting on me but who could really say for sure? I want to ask her if she is gay but how do I just bluntly ask about something so personal?
My second problem is slightly more controversial. If I did end up having a relationship with her, which would be fabulous on a thousand levels, I have to worry about my parents finding out. My dad is homophobic and my mom follows him like a dog. He says he supports gay marriage but he talks about gay people when he sees them like they are lower than him. His cousin is gay and he is always talking about how he wishes he would change.
I live in a very small town and I know that if the two of us starting dating the news will go around school then around the town by the end of the day. I don't know what to expect if my parents find out and I don't want to put myself or my crush under that pressure- what do I do? Do I follow my passion or ignore it?
Love, Anonymous Me xxx
The Mookychick answer to your problem
Ashley says...
I'm going to make a weird comparison to an avocado plant here. Follow
along with me, kay? Kay. I've got this avocado plant I've grown from a
seed.
Recently, the husband pointed out it was looking a bit strained
in its wee pot. He suggested repotting it. Problem is, it's been
really cold outside lately (OK, we're in New Mexico, so not Europe
cold, but for an avocado plant, cold) and so the plant has had to deal
with the dual stress of that and its being repotted.
My point is,
you're a senior. Graduation's in a couple months. Hold out until then.
If any sort of passionate smooch happens in the meantime, keep it on
the DL (that's on the down low for you limeys) and as soon as you've
got your diploma, get out on your own. Your parents will have no
control over you whatsoever. Likewise, realize that you have no
control over them as well.
What are your priorities? Making them happy
or living a lie? You can only hope to set a good example, by moving
out and becoming responsible for yourself — only then will you be
free, and they will have no right to say anything about what you do
for yourself.
There's nothing abnormal about falling in love with the
girl next door. It would be lovely if she felt the same way — and the
fact that you're sensitive about how telling people you're bi might
make them think of you probably indicates you're not off the mark
about her feelings toward you.
But to give the relationship a fighting
chance, wait until you're free of the stress of your parents before
you repot your precious avocado.
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