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Your question: I'm a bisexual interested in threesomes
"Dear Mookychick,
My boyfriend and I are in a committed and loving relationship, and have been for about a year and a half. We have been together and in love since the night we met, and the very next day we moved in together. He has the kindest heart, the most beautiful and creative soul, the most brilliant mind, and he is the most gorgeous Herculean piece of ass to have ever walked this earth. We have never had a fight or raised our voices at each other, though this issue I am about to tell you about has brought many tears.
We are and always have been open to inviting girls into our bedroom, however my boyfriend has had a nagging worry that seems only to be getting stronger. He feels that because I am bisexual, there is "a special set of feelings and attractions reserved for someone of the same sex", that he "will never have access to or be the recipient of". He feels that while I "have the capacity to be ALL and fulfill all" for him, but that he "simply can not do the same for me in return".
Despite his worries, in my heart I truly feel that for the long-term, I could never be fulfilled with just a girl. I feel like I would long for that power-exchange, that feeling of belonging to my Love, that polarized masculine/feminine balance, (the feeling I get as a submissive when I kneel down to kiss his feet)... However, my Love does not seem to understand that. He worries that somewhere in the corners of my head, I will always be longing for a girl.
What confuses my Love is that I get depthless, silly little schoolgirl-type crushes on girls all the time, and this worries him. I feel that though girls are lovely and sweet they just wouldn't make me feel the ways a boy does, and that I need what a boy offers more. Needless to say we are being monogamous until this is cleared.
So, what can we do to make him see and trust that he fulfills me in every way, that a girl just wouldn't cut it? We have discussed it endlessly, but his worries won't budge... we are out of ideas.
Thank You So Much!
Love, Anonymous Me xxx
The Mookychick answer to your problem
Char says...
Honey honey honey... what happened with your relationship? One minute I'm thinking you've sprung out of a Hans Christian Anderson book clutching a Karma Sutra circa 6th century BC and the next I'm wondering if you've popped out of a sex shop in Soho with a crack pipe up your arse!
You're very very full on and passionate, which is wonderful, but honey, slow down!
Your heartfelt letter partly feels Hans Christian Anderson book - the romance, the intensity of your feelings are pouring out... it's lovely!
As for the Karma Sutra bit... experimentalist, fabulosa, a bit of lady loving for you and for him - and it seems as though the focus is on you and your feelings - which is probably why things are taking a sour turn.
Whether you like it or not, men are control freaks. All of them. They like to be the 'man' the provider, the fulfillment of our loins... now this bangs back to the cavemen era where us ladies sat around playing with one another round the campfire in the dark whilst the men wanked off in the corner. No, really... OK, maybe that didn't happen, but my point is, in olden times, when we were evolving, the boys foraged, hunted and pleasured us old maids whose job it was to cook, tend young and give head.
Nothing has really changed since then. The fundamental animalistic principles of the man being the woman's sole provider in all aspects of our lives and the woman graciously accepting has become the norm for how the majority of our society enacts with one another, intrinsically.
See where I'm going here?
Your man feels threatened that he may not be that very thing he needs to be in essence to survive, from the depths of his caveman belly. He craves, needs and demands (silently and occassionally a little beating of the chest, hopefully not you, more often than not, himself) that he be the sole provider in your relationship and if he is feeling threatened by another woman, well he doesn't quite know what to do.
If it were another man, they'd have a pop at one another and fight for your glory, but he doesn't know how to compete against a woman for the entirety of your affections.
It's good that you've laid off the threesomes for now - maybe give them up for good if it salvages your 'one true love'?
Perhaps go back to basics and write him a letter. Tell him what you've told us and then go through it again over a beer in the pub / home.
Try as much as you can to reiterate all that you feel, forget the gals and just concentrate on you both.
If there isn't trust there...you ain't going very far. Say your piece, listen to what he says and try to agree a way forward...you can't really do much more than that poppet...
Good luck!
Ashley says...
A low-grade toxic resentment that simmers for months and years can be
worse than having any number of brawls. A relationship without any
fights is one where things are suppressed. Fights are normal. Not
every day dawn to dusk, of course, but the occasional spat is to be
expected. Ever watch baby kittens? The kind of adorable fuzzballs that
fall asleep on each other for 18 hours a day? Yeah, they bite each
others' ears and claw at each others' faces every now and then too.
Additionally, this is really worrisome.
"We have been together and in love since the night we met, and the
very next day we moved in together."
This isn't meant to be an insult, but it's irresponsible to move in with someone you've
known for less than 24 hours.
You want to be with boys and girls. He's uncomfortable with that and
wants a girl all to himself. You can not do that for him. You say you
want him for the long-term, but you have short-term crushes on girls.
The long-term is made up of infinite "short-terms." What can you do
to make him trust that he fulfills you? Be with him and want to be
with him and only him. If you don't want to do this, then it won't
work. Either sort out your desires or find someone who will be game
for your trysts. He's not the last man on the planet.
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