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Your question: Cherry hound has broken my heart and messed my head...
Dear Mookychick,
About a year ago I was with a guy called Boyfriend and Cherry Hound tempted me and
I
gave in me and Boyfriend went on a break and I got with Cherry Hound he said that
it
wouldn't work 'cos he still loved him ex. then about a month latter we
were
talking on msn at about 11 or something and he asked me to meet up with
him
(he lived about 1/4 of a mile away or something) and I was like sure
thinking we were going on a night walk or some thing, naive angle, and
we
met up and went to him house and the something’s happened which I
regret
more that self harming I feel cheapened and used. I left at 4 am so
that no
one in my house would notice I was gone and the next day he acted like
nothing had happened I was a one night fuck and he was a cherry hound.
And ever since i can not get this guy out of my head, i moved neared
him due
to family move and every time i walk down a road which his leads of i
have
to check, and lot of other areas, also when i see anyone like him i
totaly
freak out, due to bad eeysight most people look like him from far
off... i
have seen him over 6 times since it happened unintetionaly and once i
had a
panic attack. Another time i saw him walking towards my house and i
could
not sleep for ages. I can not get him out of my head i have tried so
hard my
therapist hasn't helped and it scares me that he has such of a hold on
me it
has totaly messed me up.
I used to send him emails from a fake email account to scare him and
deleate
the account as soon as i had sent the email
i jsut want him out of my head but nothign is working
HELP
Love, Anonymous Me xxx
The Mookychick answer to your problem
Amanda says...
Ok, you're already in therapy. That's a start. Next go to the optician
and get yourself some glasses so you can see what you're doing and
where you're going. And honey, at the moment you're going nowhere. Stop
wasting your time obsessing with this guy (or any other guy for that
matter) and start going to school! You need to knuckle down to your studies
and get yourself a decent education. If you have learning issues or
dyslexia make sure you get help for it. I'm not usually this frank but in
your case, a little bit more effort spent on improving your mind and
getting yourself an education will make you a far more sucessful person,
both in life in general and with guys. So wake up!
Ashley says...
Take a deep breath.
No, seriously. Do it. I'll wait for you.
Okay, now exhale.
Say goodbye to Boyfriend. And Cherry Hound. You can do it in yer head to start
with. Just imagine the two of them louts standing there, and wave "bye
bye!" and give them both a parting boot to the rump to finish. Now,
you are going to do this in real life, and be glad because you will
end up learning something from both of these boys, who are both
ill-prepared for a relationship with you.
I'm going to advise you also to do something I've never advised
someone on here to do before, and that's to get glasses. Back when I
was 15, after my first boyfriend had, well, uh, vanished off the face
of the earth, I had a single dorky pair of glasses I refused to wear
to school. Consequently, I saw him as much as you see your uncouth
cherry hound, with similar upsetting results. Glasses are cool. Lookit
mine! They're FAKE and I'm wearing them (I've got 30-day contacts on
underneath, shh)
Also, get a new therapist, or ditch them altogether. Even if yours is
interested in your problems, she's obviously not interested in
learning how to communicate with you because this is a simple problem
with a simple solution.
Years ago, after my parents had divorced, my psycho mum dragged my dad
in to have a joint meeting with her therapist to discuss the new
marriage-less world. The therapist asked my dad what he wanted from my
mum. He said it plainly: "Two things. Silence and distance."
Those are the best cures for a rotting relationship you keep tripping
over like a tangled sweater on the floor. Don't just kick it aside.
Hang it up in the closet where you can smirk at it in recollection.
Use it as a reminder of your youth, which, to BE a youth, must have
plenty of these absolutely stupid moronic episodes in them. And most
importantly, never put it on again.
Magda says...
Hi hon, you've found yourself in such a nasty situation. The good news is that the worst of it is over now. If you had safe sex, that means that physically you can put all this behind you. If it was unsafe, you'll probably know by now if you're pregnant or not - I'm sure you're not, of course! If there's any doubt, wait until a few days after your period and buy a test from a chemist to make sure. If you are, write back to us and we'll tell you what to do next.
Okay, now moving onto where your head and heart are at. The thing with you sending emails to scare him, that's okay. It's just slightly stalky behaviour that is you finding your own way to get the hurt and shock out of your system. As for everyone looking like him, that too will fade. It's just you dealing with the shock in your own way. As you settle down and replace regret, maybe feelings of guilt (don't feel guilty), and probably a whole heap of anger with other nice memories, he won't be on your mind so much. You'll have replaced him and will be able to move on. Go out with your friends. Watch movies. Listen to loads of music - really fast-paced stuff that makes you jump around and get some energy out, followed up by sweet songs that make you feel good and don't make you think of him. Read books and magazines. Start writing poetry if you get really angry and then burn it ceremoniously in the sink. Don't be put off boys (they're always going to be around, just be a little more careful to play with them on your own terms now). Not all boys are cherry hounds. If you feel at all guilty, because sometimes lots of complicated feelings get mashed up all together, that's okay too. We all do things we're not proud of sometimes. What's important to us and the people around us is how we deal with things afterwards.
Also, totally look after your eyes. If you don't want glasses, get contact lenses. They don't hurt nearly as much as you might think - the first time I got contact lenses I spent 20 minutes jumping up and down in HORROR at trying to get this weird THING into my eye. And it only felt awful while I was putting it in - then it felt fine and invisible for the whole day afterwards. The next day it took 5 mins to put the damn things in. The next day after that it felt fine.
You may have noticed that all us girls have mentioned something about applying yourself to education. This isn't being mean. Basically, your letter to us had a lot of spelling mistakes and a few words in the wrong order. I understand this may not be your usual writing style. You wrote an email to us in a state of desperation, just letting the thoughts spill out of your head, and in that situation the words are going to flow and you're not going to care about how they're written. But if you know you're bad at spelling, don't be afraid of learning to get better. People will always know what you mean when you write, so communication isn't a problem. But writing well? Check out the basic tips and common mistakes on http://www.webgrammar.com/.Honey, try to be special at everything you do. Don't ever shut yourself off from progress, whether it's progress at school, or with your hairstyle, or with your heart. You never know when you might change your worldview about something, or what the future might bring...
Oh yeah, and last up, I know I gave you a link about the grammar, but I'm not giving you a link about the heartache - because I know you're going to be fine! xxx
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