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Your question: I just don't feel very happy
"Dear Mookychick,
I really don't know how to explain everything that I feel towards this
situation , more like a problem to me but I'll try. You see I'm 17 years
old
and I've never had a boyfriend, nor my first kiss . First I have to
say
that I really have low self-esteem and whenever I feel confident that
confidence might last just for a day in me . And it's basically because
somehow I always manage to remember everything that made me feel
awkward, silly, bad , or just something that made me feel like I don't belong.
It's
not like I like feeling this way again but it's so difficult for me to
get
rid of the past because I feel like that it's still me and I don't want
to
be fake .
Sometimes I don't like the way I look or just think that I'm
ugly, though I know it's not true . Because I actually like the way I look, I
love
it, but when I get out to anywhere :the mall, movies, etc. I feel really
insecure like I can't help thinking what people will think about me. And
I
know that my looks are not a problem when it comes to getting a boy's
attention, because I've noticed that I draw attention from the most
gorgeous
type of guys that I like. But the thing is looks are not everything.
I
know I have a great personality deep inside but I have problems showing
it,
I guess because I don't want to be disliked.
To tell more I can't even
be me
around my friends, sometimes towards my cousins. Going back to the boy
situation I also wanted to tell about well I guess that it was the
first boy
that had ever noticed me in such a way. I was shy around this boy ,
insecure because I didn't want to let him down about me, I barely talked
to
him even though I was dying to, but he never gave up... but because I was so foolish and scared
I
never got the chance to actually letting him get to know. And it makes me sad because I can't stop thinking about how
much I
liked him and still do and about the last day that I got to be around
him
when he gave me a flower.
I know my situation is confusing and so many
things at once but I really need the help so bad, so the least that I
ask
for is for advice. I can't keep on like this, I just don't feel happy.
Love, Anonymous Me xxx
The Mookychick answer to your problem
Magda says...
It's a shame to give such a long thought-out letter such a short answer. But I can see from the tone of what you write and from everything you say that you're actually in a very healthy state of mind - and one that will pass.
Sometimes we have to weather the storms of life. If everything was free and easy we wouldn't feel pain, and it's through feeling things like doubt, anxiety and sometimes downright fear that we test ourselves and grow as people. If you never test yourself, you'll never grow.
Everything feels too much at the moment but actually it's all fine. You're just developing, but the more you ride this bit of your life out, the more you'll benefit later. Don't worry about feeling bad. It doesn't last forever, and it's all part of the process.
Be glad you feel. It means you're changing, and getting stronger, and becoming more you. Every time you feel doubt as to whether you like yourself, remember this - it's just your anxiety talking. The real you knows exactly what you're doing, and even when you don't trust it, it's on your side.
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