Your question: A guy won't date me even after I change my whole image for him

The Mookychick answer to your problem

Ashley says...

Funny that you think he's shallow for not liking you based on your style, when you're leaping through flaming hogsheads trying to prove to him that your style is completely shallow and can be changed at the drop of a trucker hat.

He doesn't like you and wants you to be changed. In 10 years, his behavior will disgust you. But your behavior, groveling for this boy's "respect", will disgust you even more. Go date someone who thinks you dress neat and likes your albums.

Char says...

One thing about the boys is that you cannot make them do anything they don't want to do. The woman who discovers how to do this should bottle it and sell it, but it's anyone's guess as to how she manages to persuade or dictate anything to the male of the species without A) Using her cooch as a bargaining tool or B) Cleverly engineering a situation in which he thinks he's the one calling the shots - ask your mum how to do that.

Unless you have the prowess of serial sexpot Angelina Jolie - shucks, that girl could turn even the straightest girl and the most monogomous boyf's head on a spin stick - then I severely doubt you will be able to do anything about this boy in question.

I figure he's in his teens, and in that case he will only be concerned with the following things:

*How to get lady action
*What his friends think of him
*Porn
*Beer
*Sex
*Food

If he's said he likes you but won't go public with you or date you then I'm afraid it could be one of two things.

Either he's trying to let you down gently by using something that's integrally a part of you - your style, your personality, that you can't really change, therefore escaping the awkward 'it's not you, it's me' fandango dance - because if you change, you won't be you, will ya? It's like saying, if you have 32F tits I'd date you, or if you were 22 I'd take you out, or if you were a six foot stunner I'd be in there like a dog's bahoonas.

If you were this... if you were that... you, my girl, haven't considered whether this guy could be wrong for you. Yeah, wrong for you. Have you thought about the fact that maybe you don't need to be changing for anyone but you? That if he really valued you as a potential lover, held any respect, it wouldn't matter if you cartwheeled down the school yard wearing a bin bag, he'd still want you in his love parade... just a thought... would it matter to you what he wore?

Option number two, and what I strongly suspect to be the case, is that he's a spineless turd who's got the emotional maturity of a dungbeetle, and he's only concerned with the fickle shallow world of being a teenage mutant ninja boy and talking shit.

I know it's frustrating but think of it this way - when the thunderbolt strikes, wild horses wouldn't stop him making you his girly en publico.

He sounds as though you just aren't on his agenda... move on girly, and find someone who's proud to have you displayed on their arm like the pretty cool chick you are.

Charlotte xx

Magda says...

It sounds to me like this guy likes your personality more than anything, but your personality - which made you stand out from the other girls - is also probably what his friends are least likely to accept. You've changed your clothes and your hair for a boy. What else are you going to change? Your personality? That would be going too far.

If he can't accept that your personality is what made him like you in the first place, then he's not being honest about himself and what he wants out of life. You've done enough playing catch-up. He's going to have to sort out his priorities himself.

There are limits to what you should change about yourself. Someone will like you because of the way you express yourself, not in spite of it - but it's not this guy. Better to stick to your guns, and wait until someone comes along who likes you as you are.

Further links