Your question: I think I'm anorexic

The Mookychick answer to your problem

Char says...

First of all i'm happy you saw us and thought we would be the best girls to help - indeed many of us have either gone through it or know of someone who has.

Personally, i think that you could be on the verge of a problem. It sounds to me as though you're using the food avoidance and self harm as a way of having something tangible to control when all around you, life is very un controllable.

School you can't control. How people really think about you is also something you can't control. Meeting a guy who'll love you is also something you cannot control.

Certainly there's aspects and elements to each thing that you can control, such as the way you interact with people, what you say to them, how your body language comes accross to others. You can control how well you do in school via your grades and your conduct whilst in class. But as far as anything else goes, ie. meeting new people and moving years - which also accounts for feelings of insecurity - who knows what will happen? You have to try to regain some positivity and perspective on the situation. Everyone feels like this, even if they don't show it. Especially at such a delicate stage in your life such as yours.

Perhaps other boys like your friend because she acts differently, is more confident, doesnt care what anyone thinks? Who knows, it's different strokes for different folkes. For every ten guys who dont like you, there'll be another twenty who do. Trust me!

School isnt exactly a hub of romance at the best of times, not rich pickings!

A lot of people misunderstand how self harmers work. It's not solely about attention, hence why you harmed on your thigh. If you were cutting your wrists and arms and then going out in t shirts and tank tops then perhaps we'd have to question what you intended to gain from that situation - are you crying out for help?

It sounds to me like you know what your doin and why your doing it - the problem is, you're the only one who can gain control of this situation and make it stop - perhaps that's another area of control you could think about? Controlling how you don't make these life choices to abuse your body with razors and with holding food?

The thing about eating is it is SO linked up to our emotions. In your case, im not going to tell you not to skip your dinner or whatever, it's a choice you need to make yourself.

Join a gym, i know it's a cliche but it really really works. Go on the sunbed! Seriously, it will make you feel better! Gym, swim and a healthy diet, you should be able to sort that out!

Taking control of your life, by chosing to do things healthy, having a goal and persuing that, is a wonderful thing. The key to meaning in life, is to find meaning in your own life, through being happy, or as happy as you can be, in your own skin. Some people never achieve this, it's a hard cookie to crack, but that doesnt mean its unachievable?

I think if you found another outlet for your pain, it could well do the trick for you.

If you havent got a friend to talk to, write a journal, keep a blog, it doesnt even have to be in your name.

Alternatively, speak to a councellor, perhaps the samaritans? Or contact your doctor and go through the right channels in getting you some one on one support.

Whatever you do, you can't continue on the path your on, it'll only end in tears.

Ashley says...

Without knowing it, you have actually answered your own question with the most hope at the end of your letter - you don't want to die, you say. Anorexia is a slow form of suicide, an uncontrollable compulsion to NOT eat, as giving yourself food is giving yourself life, and anoretics believe they do not deserve life. They hate themselves and believe everyone else has a right to the good things that sustain life, but not them.

Self-injury is a way to externalize emotional pain that one feels on the inside, at least it was with me. I used to cut myself when I was a teenager, with scissors and razors. Once I grew up, the control over my own life was a welcome replacement. I haven't cut myself in five years.

Wanting to be thin is natural for all women - it's sort of a biological imperative, to carry enough extra padding to be able to carry a child while still being fit enough to advance your genes. Unfortunately, what is also natural these days is the casual bandying about of such serious diagnoses as eating disorders. Order a salad at a restaurant one night and sometimes the waiter will even try to diagnose you. In my certainly non-clinical opinion, you are not anorexic. You said it yourself - you want to live.

However, you are practicing extreme dieting practices that are unhealthy. As a young person, you should be making sure you get your vitamins and eating healthily when you are hungry. Once your body stops maturing, if you choose to be careful about the way you eat and seek to improve the way you look, check out Calorie Restriction: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calorie_restriction. Don't get locked into a cycle of starving yourself, thorough restriction or fad diets. I'm not going to tell you to love your body if you don't already - too many of the overweight and obese girls that make up 65 percent of the American population feel they are healthy, despite the diabetes, hypertension, heart disease and cancer be damned, because they accept the way they look. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be thin and love your body, as long as you do it in a healthy way.

Debs says...

You're an intelligent person and you know that you're having feelings that aren't healthy. That's a good starting point. Better than you maybe realise.

Your depression and the possible anorexia are linked. You have a poor image of yourself and you think that losing weight will make you a better person. There's a big change coming up with your school changing and you're worried about it, it's a natural thing to worry about this sort of thing. Change is a big scary thing. Personally, I see change as a chance to re-invent myself, it's an adventure.

You're fixating on your weight because, well, that's what we're told to fixate on. I know it's old hat to blame magazines and the media for making us all feel the need to be thin, even when such obsessions can be unhealthy, but think about it, how many of you friends are on diets? And how many of them are boys? The truth is, your weight isn't a problem. Well, not unless your doctor's mentioned something about it. Your body is just what you clothe your personality in and you seem like a nice enough person. You're smart, you've got taste. Definitely got taste or you wouldn't be reading this website. It takes a lot of work to feel comfortable with your body. Most people never really manage it, but accept it as much as you can.

You are never going to be as fat as you think you are. Conversely, you will probably never be as thin as you want to be, not whilst staying healthy anyway. But that's not a problem. Do you really think your best friend gets all that attention just because she is thin? Really?And do you really think she's happy with her weight? That she doesn't want to lose or gain a few pounds.

You could really do with going to your doctor. Or at least talking to someone. Being depressed isn't about being moody or Emo. Anyone who suggests different are not the people you should be talking to. Talking is a really good healer. Depression is a state of mind, it's a skewed way of looking at things. One that only focusses on the bad stuff that happens to you and ignores all the good stuff. Now you've probably just read that and thought, but nothing good ever happens to me. Or words to that effect. Which isn't true, good things do happen to you, you just don't see them. Because your mind has trained itself not to see them. It's got itself into a rut where it only thinks bad things happen, so only looks for bad things.

Our minds have this wonderful filter system, which means we don't spend our days inundated with ridiculous trivia. We only look for stuff we need to survive and ignore the other stuff. How many times have you bought a new coat or bag or pair of shoes that you've never seen anyone wearing, only to walk around and see just about everyone wearing the same coat or shoes? It's because your brain wasn't bothered about those shoes or coats before you had them. And it's the same with experiences and memories. Your brain thinks only bad things happen to, so only looks for bad things that have happened. It's not looking for good things, so ignores them. You just need to change your mind, so it does recognise those good things.

Everyday, find something good that happened to you. It doesn't have to be a big thing, it could someone holding a door open for you, or smiling, or saying your hair looks nice. Start small and you'll start seeing the bigger things.

Now all of this might seem trivial, but it's a start to getting to a better place, that you do deserve to be in. Talking to someone will help you get there too. The worst that can happen is that you'll be happy.

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