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Your question: Friends Advice
Dear Mookychick,
Well, I have a boyfriend that I`ve been dating for about a month already && I really like him; but I'm not so sure if he feels the same about me. I have a job that pays me good money && sometimes I feel like he is only with me for the money. He has no job && he is about to get kicked out of his grandparents home because he doesn`t do nothing but skate all day. He doesn`t, at least, try to find a job. He tells me he puts in applications, but I know he lies to me because he is always with me. He is at my house from 12am to 11pm every fucking day!....&& as soon as he walks into the house he wants me to make him food or give him money. I have been spending my whole check on him since day one....&& I can`t even buy my ownself a pair of shoes because he wants a new skateboard!....Between the hours he is at my house we never get to spend time alone (except when we have sex or when he just wants to lay in bed && sleep) because he either wants to use my laptop or be in the room with my brothers. I just feel he is with me for the money , sex && food...but sometimes I blame myself because I had told him that if he ever needed anything he could come to me...but I never meant anything like this to happen. I wanted to be his second option when it came to money && shit like that....I just want him to at least try. I don`t know whether to leave him or stay with him. I really like him && I don`t want to lose him. He tells me he really likes me && he shows it but what if I'm just blind about all his bullshit! I mean, a lot of girls want him...&& when I'm around his friends` he shows me off && to the bitches that want him....but when the check comes around...I feel used. Please help.
Love, Anonymous Me xxx
The Mookychick answer to your problem
Amanda says...
Sorry to be frank, but this guy's using you. He's taking advantage of
your kind nature and walking all over you. I'm assuming he's a real cool
hottie and good in bed - why else would you waste time with him? Just
because you said he could come to you if he needed anything, that
doesn't make you his surrogate mum! The boy has to learn to grow up and stand
on his own two feet. Sounds like you're getting bored with him, anyway,
so perhaps it's time to give him the ultimatum - shape up or ship out!
If you want to continue the relationship, stop giving him money and
letting him hang around so much. Tell him you've put a deposit on
something big and need to pay it off and haven't got time for his loitering. He
sounds like he has no respect for you or himself!
Ashley says...
Darling, you're being taken for a ride. Your instinct about him being
with you for the money is probably right - he doesn't need to
prioritize anything but grinding the rails, as you've made it clear
you'll take care of him. It's emotional blackmail, and he probably
justifies it by saying that if you're happy shelling out for him, then
what's the problem? Or, if you REALLY loved him, you'd keep on funding
his Funyuns and grip tape habit (which is bullshit). He wants a mommy
and he wants to be an 11-year-old on permanent vacation. You're
obviously smart enough to see how gank that position is. Don't blame
yourself for offering your support - that's what people who care for
each other do. What he's doing is taking full advantage of it. The
only way he'll try is if he HAS to. Believe me, those other chicks
wouldn't want him if they knew they'd be stuck like he has you, wiping
his bum after him.
More Mooky Advice Links
www.relate.org.uk (Email counsellors about relationships)
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