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Your question: Should I stay in my comfort zone?
"Dear Mookychick,
Okay im 19 and at least for the next three weeks I 'll be living at home. My house is nice and my garden is massive - well by most people's standards. I live out of the way.
I dont know if this is anything do do with it, but when I was younger I always shyed away from things, peoples, activities. If I was scared of trying something new, a lot of the time I would just stay at home instead.
I was very happy spending most of the summer hoildays and after school sitting in my lovely garden making up stories or reading. If I ever have children I will socialise them more! I was happy but I think I'd be happier then and now if I'd have been forced to make an effort.
So now I have quite a small circle of friends. Got kicked out of college in the first year, so made some acquaintances and my now ex-boyfriend - but on the whole that's the people I know.
Okay, saying this is horrible - for the most part I have lovely friends. We're not bitchy people, for fun we like random acts of kindness, spreading some lovely around.
I love being with my best friend, she's hilarious. But I have a massive problem of thinking I'm crap and distancing myself from her. And I suppose trying to push her away.
She has never made me feel bad about myself. However, when ever we're in a group, I feel really isolated and left out.
I'm not funny. There - I said it! It's not that I make crap jokes, I don't make jokes. If I could make a funny comment and join in - I wouldn't feel like this.
When I was with my ex I really liked him but once after something quite funny happened after we had sex and we both collasped laughing, I realised there wasn't much laughter in our relationship. I'm not really lacking in confeidence. I have plenty of intrests and passions. I've got a pretty refined taste in music! I LOVE dancing, my wardrobe is more of a dressing up box, I love anti-capitalism! I quite like droogs, making over blown romantic gestures, and most things alternative.
But yeah, "my life lacks laughter".
In a few weeks I've got the chance to move out to a city - I'd be living in a house with people around my age who are into drugs and parties - excellent.
But... once again I'm thinking that staying at home might be an easier option.
Also, I want to make friends, not polite smalltalk with aquantances. I feel that if I was funny I could make friends easier. And when I'm with my friends I'm missing out on having fun.
Love, Anonymous Me xxx
The Mookychick answer to your problem
Ashley says...
First, two things I've got to get out of the way. You "love
anti-capitalism"? Know who else hates capitalism? Fascists. Second
point, as for trying to socialize your kids, teach them how to look
someone in the eye, shake their hand, say nice to meet you, be polite,
say please and thank you and not to make noise at the movies (unless
you're at Rocky Horror). I was one of those kids who wasn't always
left alone to read and forced to socialize and it was exhausting and
it sucked.
Onto the bigger issue. You know how many friends of mine aren't funny?
Neither do I. I don't keep track. If someone doesn't have a good sense
of humor, though – this is an important distinction — I don't want to
hang out with them. Here's a good test. Watch the "Hard Gay and the
Ramen Shop" video (SFW, btw). If you react by giggling, you're fine.
If you fold your arms and put on a puss and declare yourself offended,
then there's your problem. But odds are you'll find it funny. I've had
and lost a lot of friends for a lot of reasons. One talked shit about
everyone and eventually it got back to her. One took a computer I'd
lent him and sold it for heroin. Another, in a multi-room house I was
staying, got so drunk he peed his pants, ditched them and then tried
to crawl in my sleeping bag while I was fast asleep. But I've never
ditched a friend because they didn't turn me into a studio audience.
Magda says...
Oh, so many things here! They probably boil down to you getting concerned over whether to stay at home or live in the city, though. And thinking about the next stage in life.
If you're nineteen, it's a good time to leave home. However lovely your friends are, they're not close by, and you've got the exciting, scary and inevitable next stage of life ahead of you. Shutting yourself in the lovely house and the lovely garden won't make the rest of the world go away - and you can always carry the peace and quiet around with you. That's what parks are for, and 'no thanks, I'm sleeping' signs on your new bedroom door in the city will be for!
About drooks. I presume you're referring to drugs like cannabis and ecstasy and maybe acid, and speaking from experience when I was 19, if you've got a tendency to introspection and doubt, daily cannabis use might make you go a bit quiet sometimes, and ecstasy every weekend or even every month comes with its three day comedown which can take the wind out of your sails however good the weekend was. If you take drugs on a daily or super-regular basis in the city and you start feeling a bit... over-thinky... remember it's more likely to be your hormones being kicked around a bit by the drugs than it is your actual personality playing up. I'm in no way telling you not to do drugs though!
Also, I wouldn't worry about you being funny at all, at all. I'm sure you are funny, at least sometimes. If you're not funny, I'm sure you're something else that your friends rate. They probably, in their dark hours, sit around going 'Oh, I'm so funny, but if only I was as talented/receptive/cool/whatever as my friend So-and-So.' I wouldn't worry about that at all!
I think the only thing that's made it harder for you to have friends is your living circumstances. Who knows what will happen in the city? You might make some good friends you feel great with. You might make some fun friends, or some fake friends... who knows? You'll be surrounded by a lot of people though, and you're allowed to have all kinds of different friends - but the ones that feel best at the end of the day are the ones you don't have to perform for :)
Good luck in the city, if that's what you decided to do! It'll all turn out roses in the end! xxx
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