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Your question: I wish my boyfriend would call me more often
"Dear Mookychick,
I have a problem concerning my boyfriend. It's nothing that I'd end our eight month relationship over, but it's still really upsetting me, and I want to know what I should do.
For reasons unknown, I sometimes seem to feel that my boyfriend doesn't call me very often. We have a long distance relationship (he lives three hours away), and I find that sometimes, if I don't call him, I won't get to talk to him. I know that he loves me and wouldn't do anything to hurt me, so I'm thinking that it's unintentional. The thing is, it makes my heart ache to think that I could wait and wait one night, and he wouldn't pick up the phone to talk to me. Once it went on for about two weeks before I said anything.
Here's the other part of the problem; I already talked with him about it once, and he felt really bad about it, promising to call me more. I hate to make him feel bad, but for a while, it was a lot better. Now I feel like it's starting to happen again, and I don't want to say anything because I already mentioned it once before. He's says that I'm different than other girls because I'm so easy-going and I'm pretty happy-go-lucky, and he loves that about me, so I don't want to become a nag like a "typical girlfriend".
I feel so horrible when I think about it, and then I think about it way too much, creating a whole slew of thoughts that lead me to wanting to cry. I'm always so happy when he's with me; he's the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. But it's just when we're apart that sometimes I feel this way. It doesn't happen all the time, him not calling, but when it does, I feel shitty. It's the only thing I could ever say I don't like about him.
I'm really stuck as to what I should do; should I talk to him about it again, and risk feeling like a "nag"? Or should I let it work itself out?
Please help me! I want to figure out what to do.
Love, Anonymous Me xxx
The Mookychick answer to your problem
Ashley says...
Sad Little Kitten,
Long-distance relationships only work when there's enough effort put
in on both sides to make you forget it's a long-distance relationship.
Maybe this guy's clueless — which seems unlikely, since you've told
him straight up, 'Hey, doofus, you need to call me more' — or he just
doesn't care or doesn't have the stones to break up with you. Either
way, you need someone who's there in person and he's not thrilled
enough by you to reciprocate your attention. Time to move on — it
sounds like he already has.
Magda says...
Honey, you know, some boyfriends can be really, really lovely - and just not call you. It's not because they're evil or going off you - not always, anyway. Quite often it is because boys are different to girls and think that calling someone all the time for a reason other than to figure out when you're next going to meet is just weird. A lot of boys think girls are weird because they keep begging for phone calls, and a lot of girls think boys are weird (or, more likely, that they are doing something wrong) because the boy doesn't call them enough.
It's time for the paranoia to stop! Be strong with yourself and don't expect him to call all the time. Don't even yearn for it. Not calling doesn't mean he doesn't like you - it often just means he's weird, because he's a boy.
Replace fear with love!
And if the worst comes to the worst, if lots of things don't make you feel right about the relationship, have a chat with him. Another one.
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