CRUELTY TO ANIMALS: CRUELTY TO HORSES
Ahhh, horses.
Are horses the best thing on four legs since two Johnny Depps or are they haughty, sniffy things trying to destroy us with jodhpurs? Only Cat T has the answer.
by Cat T
Never have such majestic, honourable creatures galloped through the fields, mane a-flowing; such noble bearing, so full of life.
You agree?
Well then, they've fooled you, too.
No-one would deny the intelligence of a horse; it's visible in their eyes when they look smugly down into the thorn bush they've just 'accidentally' thrown you into. It's obvious in the way they haughtily stick their nose in the air as they ignore your proffered carrots and trot straight past like you haven't spent the past six months feeding them sugar.
Horses are smart animals.
But wait! I hear you cry. What have horses ever done to us? They ferry us around all day, beasts of burden, slaves to our demands. Sure, they're intelligent, but what does it matter?
Allow me, gentle reader, to enlighten you. I have worked out their cunning plan, and it is this - they intend to kill us off so they can shirk off our saddles of oppression and rule the world!
I presume at this point you'd like to know how they hope to achieve this genocide of humanity.
I hereby present to you Exhibit A - the JODHPUR.
For centuries, horses have disguised their evil intentions by transporting overweight minor aristocracy from one manor to another. Their ultimate aim? To divide and conquer humans by indoctrinating them into the horsiness cult. I refer you again the jodhpur. How many humans would voluntarily sacrifice their sex lives to clad themselves in such desperately unattractive monstrosities? And Exhibit B, the MATCHING SILK SHIRT / CAP ENSEMBLE? What about Exhibits C and D, the TWEED JACKET and FUNNY-LOOKING HAT?
All of these are forced onto cult members with one ambition in mind; to ensure that ensnared human will never be given the opportunity to reproduce, apart from with members of their own families, thus gradually weakening and ultimately eradicating the human race.
So I call upon you to help me overthrow the evil cult of the horse for once and for all!
Join me in opposing these crimes against fashion! Wear cute fitted t-shirts and flaunt your sexual freedom!
Or - Plan B - lull them into a false sense of security. Feed horses the sugar lumps they expect to someday gorge themselves on with us out of the way, but lace the sugar with sedatives. Let's see how many hapless bluebloods horses can seduce when they can't run their little races!
If both plans come to nothing, there's always Plan C...
Take up glue-sniffing in a SERIOUS way. Create a market demand for horse-bones, and the suppliers will take up the challenge for us.
One way or another, though, we have to stop horse cultists before we're all replying to sentences with "Yah!" and never getting laid again!
When not indulging her main vices of coffee and cigarettes, Cat T can often be found lusting after pretty blond boys young enough to be her... well, younger brother.
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Mission statement
Mookychick believes that climbing trees and riding giant turtles is more fun and girly than worrying about make-up. But if you want to worry about make-up instead of turtles? Fine by us. Be you feminist, kitten, punk, emo, indie, goth, witch, vegan, horror junky, intellectual, christian goth, corset queen, geek, unicorn, sea monkey... be you into alternative style, alternative health, spirituality, comics, manga, j-pop, harajuku or jock culture... we will always love you.
