CRUELTY TO ANIMALS: SMALL GAME HUNTING
by Stabarinde
We constantly have drilled into us the image of the "Big Game Hunter"; the tired, worldly type with a keen knowledge of their prey and an urge to catch one if they can. It is however unlikely that any of us will partake in the sport - if that's what you call it. As a result we will sadly never encounter the heady high of chasing down a powerful animal and pitting our wits one-on-one against a worthy adversaries.
Or could we?
Assuming for one moment that the reason for not going to the Serengeti plains is not any particular objection to the "sport" itself, but rather more a matter or finance or taste, then you can still pit your wits against nature, chase down powerful creatures and amass an impressive collection for mounting on your sitting room wall, to the delight of your friends, not to mention the added bonus of having a story to help you pull down at the local.
How? Well. does the Game in question *have* to be Big?
There are loads of animals who live in our urban cityscapes and would be worthy opponents in la grande chase :
- the humble rat
- the mouse
- the pigeon
- the squirrel
- and for the prix de les prixes, the cat!
All of these creatures would present themselves as a challenge, whether you decide to use firearms or other, more traditional means of apprehension.
The Rat and Mouse, though small are swift on their paws and can even climb walls when they feel it necessary. Their very size makes them difficult to catch, as they can hide in the smallest of nooks and crannies and will wait there until the coast is clear. In these cases, it may be advantageous to bring along a team of beaters on your hunting excursion to flush out the vermin so you can shoot the buggers in the open.
The Pigeon, not beloved by Mookychick, may seem like an interesting quarry, but due to its predilection to walking around on silly waggly little legs instead of flying it may pose less of a challenge then you first thought. Instead of 'fish in a barrel' think 'pigeons flocking to my sandwich.' If the challenge of the hunt isn't your first priority then these winged vermin can always provide you with an easy supply of stuffed trophies.
The Squirrel - truly the gazelle of the urban jungle - poses the greatest challenge. Slight and fleet, the squirrel can evade capture in most cases and only the most skilled of Small Game Hunters may apprehend these wily creatures. Tales of serious squirrel-hunting expeditions to deepest Clapham will be greeted with awe and wonder at your local.
Finally the Cat, the biggest of Small Game. These animals have a quick wit and can swiftly turn the tables on you when you least expect it. Don't give them an inch, or they will have your balls of wool in two seconds flat!
And why should you be limited to denizens of the land in your hunting? One may also resort to any convenient waterway for inspiration, with a sense of wonder, and a steady supply of prey. Summertime is the best for fish in rivers, with possible hunting opportunities including pollock and mullet - though I believe that mullets are more common on the streets of Oklahoma or. Let fly with your harpoon, and be your own personal Captain Ahab - you may even catch yourself a salmon!
As for your method of shooting, the most modern sensibilities are satisfied with the camera. Whether a complicated SLR or a disposable fun camera, you may rest safely in the knowledge that your trophy didn't cost the life of your target. Alternatives are blowpipes and bows, either longbow or crossbow, which require considerable training but are rewarding in their own special way.
Of course there is also room for expansion on these options - maybe seek a different urban creature as your quarry? There are several creatures that are plentiful in urban areas, who take to their legs when you give chase, who fight back when given the chance and who provide truly good trophies for social occasions. I am of course referring to chavs - however, the authorities do take a dim view of killing and mounting chavs. Unless you write to your local council.
Perhaps it's better to use your devastating wit as your weapon, leaving your prey alive.
Then you may mount them as you please. Happy Hunting!
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