The Hollywood writers' strike and 'the write stuff'

by Deborah Taylor

As the Writers Guild of America are currently on strike, will they be able to write anything on their placards without being accused of being a scab? These and other important questions are addressed in the Frankencolumn.

The Writers Guild of America are currently on strike, demanding a greater amount of residual pay out on DVD and internet broadcast of the material they write. Which is fair enough. Though, as Homer Simpson, and by logical extension, a Hollywood script writer and member of the WGA, once said, "if you're not happy with your job, you don't go on strike, you simply do a half-assed job."

Of course, anyone who has been to the cinema in the last few years could, if they were feeling cruel and hurtful, say that most Hollywood script writers have been doing that for years.

Now, as a devout left-winger, I do tend to sit up and take notice for any of these high profile strikes, hoping that the working stiff will finally stick it to the man. But as the Screen Actors Guild are possibly going on strike next year, when I conjure up the image of Tom Cruise or Julia Roberts picketing studios, complaining that they're not getting paid enough, my sympathies tend to run a little dry.

Whilst I care about the issue, two thoughts come to mind. Firstly, as the writers cannot write a word, what are they going to put on their placards? You may initially think that we may be able to see some of the best and wittiest written placards and slogans ever, but the writers can't write anything. Nothing. Any picket standing around with anything other than a blank statement on a stick should be vilified and abused as a scab. (Though this does make me wonder what would happen if all the world's mimes went on strike. I'd imagine that to be very noisy...)

The other interesting outcome of the strike is that many of America's chat-shows are being taken off the air, because there is no one to write their jokes. The highest profile ones being Jay Leno and Dave Letterman. Which I take to mean that, as I don't personally have a team of script writers telling me what to say when I make my witty off-the-cuff remarks, I am funnier, quicker and wittier than every single one of America's chat show hosts.

Naturally, as a hard line Socialist, I do have to stand by my fellow writers in their David vs. Goliath struggle, so until the situation is resolved, I will not write another

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