Abusive relationships aren’t easy to escape, but it’s possible

It’s comparatively easy to tell someone to walk away from an abusive relationship – it’s harder to take a stand and actually do it. Although now on the road to recovery – taking the road less travelled – she had the bad fortune to end up in an abusive relationship with a death-lover that had legal repercussions.

Abusive relationships are everywhere. In all walks of life, in all ages, races, and gender. I know first-hand the abuse at the hands of an athiest, depressed, and necrophilistic boy. He was morbid and death-loving). Our relationship began in October 2007. I had met him at a heavy metal show at the skatepark back in September, but we hadn’t known each other personally until October. I remember that night perfectly. Standing at the stage, I saw this boy. He was an inch shorter than me with a very skinny build. He had scraggly blonde hair, a gauged piercing in his right ear, and he was covered in black from head to toe.

I thought to myself, “perfect”, because I love goth boys. After seeing him, I had gotten my hopes down because I had thought he was gorgeous, and that he most definitely would have a girlfriend. Of course, I’m far from super model. Being 5’3 and heavy set, boys didn’t really come my way. But I had stood at the stage staring at him long enough that he turned to look at me. He smiled and looked straight into my eyes. My knees went weak and I thought I was going to faint right there. He introduced himself and asked me if he could give me a hug. I eagerly agreed.

After a stage-diver fell on top of the both of us, we left the stage and I never saw him again. Two weeks later, my friend called me and said that the boy from the show wanted to date me. I agreed with enthusiasm and started talking to him. We saw each other the next day at school and at first things were amazing. That was before his dramatic change. He turned into a monster right before my eyes.

Our first month together was incredible. I didn’t think anything could go wrong, but something certainly did. We broke up and I was heart-broken. I begged for him to come back. He came back after about two days, but he had changed completely. On our first night back together, he held a knife to my throat and wiped the blood from his cuts on my face (he was an avid cutter). I was so in love that I couldn’t get out of his trap.

He started cheating on me. Over and over and over again. He talked to me like I was a dog and he would shove me, hit me, and scream at me. He even raped me at one point. I am in currently in an ongoing court battle with this boy for him to go to jail for the things he did to me. We finally broke it off completely in February. I couldn’t take the abuse anymore, but because I had dumped him, he attempted to get people to attack me. My nightmare is still far from over.

Girls, I don’t want you to live through what I did. Full-scale abuse is thankfully very rare, but these are some of the signs you should look for in your boy: A complete change in attitude or demeanour, depression, anger or rage, cheating, verbal attacks on you or your family, violence towards you or your family, and increasing thoughts of suicide. I really didn’t notice these things until it was too late. He was completely controlling. I wasn’t allowed to hang out with my friends and he dictated how I looked. I was forced to dress all in black and dye my hair and eventually I stopped talking to my family. I had been so close to my mom and he made me feel like she was my enemy.

During this time, I needed my family and my friends the most and I had pushed them all away. My grades were slipping and I almost failed my entire junior year of high school. I had suicidal thoughts almost every day.

Things weren’t any better for me after the break-up. I was single again and hurting inside even more. I never did attempt suicide, but there were days when I’d consider how I’d do it. I left my entire old life behind and went to a private school, but while there, I got involved in drugs and smoking. My parents and friends feared for my safety and so did I. I got counselling, started taking medications that suited me, and was finally able to cope. Girls, don’t let yourselves get caught up in an abusive circle like I did. It was almost too late for me to get out.

Now, I’m happy. I’ve got my family, my life, and my hope back. I’m talking to a very sweet guy and I’m loving my life so much. If you are having problems with abuse, please don’t hesitate to tell someone. I waited so long to tell people and it ended up hurting me more than you could imagine. Please, keep yourself and your sanity intact. I wish I’d had the courage to tell someone about the abuse I was enduring, but I want you to know never to be afraid to tell someone. It’s not your fault. It’s his. And, if you don’t get help, it could end up fatal with him spiralling out of control and taking out the both of you.

So, all in all, abuse is terrible in all its shapes and forms. There is never any reason to endure it, no matter how much you think you love someone. You will always be safe if you just tell someone. I never want another girl to face what I faced for so long. Be brave and you will always have someone who’s there beside you.