Sleeping with the Frienemy

Sleeping with the Frienemy

At the risk of perpetrating some girl on girl crime, sometimes you need to keep your friends close and your frienemies closer

What it is about female friendships? We wax lyrical about how awesome our friends are, how they are our soulmates, no matter what guy comes into the picture… we phone them up at stupid o’clock and cry at them and we’d never dream of complaining if they do the same to us. And yet…

Everyone has that friend. The friend you’re not really sure you like that much. The one who seems like a kindred spirit until she goes a bit too far and you don’t know if you trust her at all.

My frienemy is a girl who I have a lot in common with. We like the same music, clothes, drinks, films, boys: everything. It shouldn’t be an effort to spend time with her but sometimes I just can’t be bothered. She’s the first person I bytch about if I’m in a bad mood, she’s the one girl I don’t trust around a guy I like, be it ex, boyfriend or just a crush. She’s the girl the guys I’m involved with seem to prefer to spend time around and who makes me madly jealous.

She just doesn’t think. She appeared at the pub last night with a guy who is both her friend of a few years and my major ex, the one I’m still not over. She dropped into conversation that she’d had to have a shower at his flat and my head exploded. She encourages our gang of girls to stay single because she doesn’t want to be the one without a boyfriend but as soon as she sees someone she likes, you can’t see her for dust.

She always talks about her breasts and her weight and delights in informing me if she’s slept with someone I have (usually she’s got there first). Her compliments are barbed, she drops bombs into conversation which leave me reeling and unsure of what just happened. She throws herself around like an alleycat and has a fake laugh, complete with fist banging on the table. She has no interest in my problems and will take any opportunity to bring up her sh*t.

I am not blameless in this. I will bytch about her for hours given the chance, I’ll slag off her weight, her laugh, her job, the men she likes. And yet I can’t shake her. She’s more danger to me as an enemy than as a friend. And there we reach the crux of the matter. We’re bound together by the understanding that as enemies, the gloves would come off. It would be war. It’s better for both of us if we continue this pretence of friendship than if we both admit that we don’t trust the other as far as we could throw them.

Mean Girls was right. There’s been some girl on girl crime here. Unfortunately, we may not be in high school anymore, but we certainly haven’t grown up any.

Sometimes you really do have to keep your friends close and your frienemies closer.

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