Coping With Chronic Illness - Things To Do When You're Proper Poorly

by Vix

There's nothing like being diagnosed with something to make you shake up your life a bit. It's not a piffling niggle or something that will go away, it's something chronic that will persist and probably get worse. Like, you know, MS. You're Proper Poorly (PP).

If you get diagnosed with a chronic (this does not mean "really bad", by the way, it means long-term or over a prolonged time) illness and/or an incurable illness, it may take a while to sink in but when it does it kinda frees your mind (possibly the only thing that is still functioning with some semblance of normality).

It can help you realise what is important and what is not. This is certainly what happened to me. It may not have seemed like I was clearing out the deadwood, as the changes appeared to have their own reasonings at the time they occurred, but looking back it all seems so obvious.

So, here are some of the things I did. If you suddenly find yourself Proper Poorly, it might benefit you to just do these things now and not take years to realise them, like I did.

1 - Use the Internet. The World Wide Web is just the most excellent thing ever, isn't it? I mean, I remember when it wasn't there and any questions or problems you had took an age to answer. A support group consisted of people you didn't want to interact with and you had to travel to get to them. And possibly pay for the privilege.

There will be people who are going through the same thing as you and you will find them on the internet. You will also find a myriad of other people that you get to know really well. You have never had such close friends. You know everything about each other and can support each other in ways you didn't know existed from the relationships you have known before. But then, pretty much everyone you know in Real Life (RL), you met in a pub. Or in a job you don't really like. You have nothing in common with any of these people. Nothing.

2 - Dump your husband. He is a pain in the arse, anyway. He thinks you're a malingerer and has no concept of how difficult it has been to continue to go to work, be a parent & wife and keep house. Note from the eds - if your partner is awesome, don't dump them. You'll know yourself if they are or not.

You have all these new friends that live in your computer. They'll keep you company and keep you sane. They will also keep you sexually satisfied, if you so wish. At some point, you may even get to meet up with them in RL. After a period of absence from RL, it may take some time to have sex again, especially without a computer between you. It may help to keep a keyboard within reach.

3 - Stop keeping house. Clean when it's necessary and not on some self-imposed rota that you're too exhausted to keep. Iron things, if you must, before you're going to wear them. Not before you're going to fold them and put them away, so they need ironing again before you wear them anyway. I hear that some people iron bedsheets and tea towels and socks and pants and skinny jeans. Unless you actually enjoy ironing... STOP IT!

Dusting, vacuuming and cleaning windows do not need to be done as often as you might think. I have now learned to do these things only when I cannot stand the state of them if I do not. When it comes to cleaning windows, this has happened ONCE. And that is because the window frames were getting painted and the decorators asked me to do it. Honestly, how often have you looked at someone else's windows and thought "Wow, they need cleaning!"?

Of course, if your mother is coming over, you might panic and feel that you have to do a big blitz. STOP!! You're PP and she will still (regardless of how long you've been ill) feel sorry for you, without understanding what you're going through at all. Take advantage of this. "Oh, hi, mum. Please excuse the mess. It's been so difficult to keep on top of it all, these days. I'm just so exhausted." What mother would not then offer to help you out? Take the offer. Take it with both hands. In fact, if you say you have to go for a lie down, while she's there, even if she has not vocalised an offer of help, you may possibly find that when you get up from your nap, the washing-up is done, the laundry is on and the kitchen floor is mopped. If you're really lucky there could be all this and your mother has had to go, leaving you a note apologising that she couldn't find your furniture polish, so she'll be back next week bringing her own, to help with the dusting.

4 - Quit your job. Not straight away, of course. Take all the help (if any) offered from your employer, if you actually like your job. If you do not like your job, start thinking of something you could do from home. This took me years. But it all began when I started a website to raise awareness for my own illness - Multiple Sclerosis (MS). I made some money, which I put in an MS charity collection tin, from a bet about whether I'd get my tits out for the lads, in the pub. Long story short: this inspired me to set up a website called VixPix - Tits Out For Multiple Sclerosis where I show topless photographs of myself in return for donations to the Multiple Sclerosis Resource Centre. I made them quite a lot of money in a short time, so got to thinking that maybe I should use the same tactic for making money for myself. I became a topless model and quit my job. I now run my own business and my (second) husband (yes, met on the 'net) and I run adult-oriented blogs promoting my own, and others', work. As they say, "It's a dirty job but someone has to do it".

I appreciate that flashing your bubbies (to use the Victorian lingo) is not for everyone, but for me I saw it as a way to make money and have a bit of fun. Of course, it is exploitative. I am exploiting men. By taking their money for looking at photographs of the skin between my shoulders and by belly. I deserve to be shot.

5 - Push Your Boundaries. You've already started to do this, after all, what with your new relationships and your new entrepreneurial business. Carpe Diem, and all that. For example, you might have always quite liked the look of some women - fancied them, even - but have never acted on these thoughts. Well... what's stopping you? If you have a partner, I'm guessing that he really would not mind you acting out this fantasy. Ease him into it with the offer of a threesome. However, after your first threesome, you may decide that the two girls and one guy thing is not particularly satisfying to the females concerned. It's a "poles to holes" ratio thing. It's a fair deal to get a chap in, next time. No, really it is.

Ok, maybe that's not your bag. Maybe you did not enjoy the attention of another human being that actually knows the way around the female form without being instructed. Maybe you did not enjoy the dual delights that are the machinations of being spit-roast. Each to their own. But at least you tried.

These things may not be on your "I wish I did..." list, but this is the time to pull that list out of your mental drawer and have a good long look at it. What is the reason you have not done a bungee jump/driven a racing car/gone diving/tried drugs/whatever? You might get hurt? Well I've got news for you, sunshine. You're PP, Proper Poorly, remember? You're all fucked up already. Just DO it!

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