Bondage for beginners

by Little Sofi

While we're young and carefree, we're able to get away with a lot of stuff they say we won't when were older (they're probably wrong) - and now is the time to try new things. Who knows, you might discover something amazing and end up doing it for the rest of your life!

It'd be awful to get to the age of 60 and look back at a life of missed opportunities and boring routines. Something that a lot of people are afraid of trying, that can actually be great fun, is exploring the world of Bondage.

Bondage is the idea of being restricted to enhance various other experiences and sensations. Like being blindfolded so you can't see where your partner is about to do next. There's an element of surprise and it's a little more exciting. Some people like to be tied down, so that they can't fight off the sensation that their partner is creating for them, or be gagged so that their gasps can't be heard! This all comes under the title of bondage, although a lot of people tend to instantly think of BDSM (Bondage, Dominance, Sadism and Masochism) which involves a balance of both pleasure and pain, and usually a bit of roleplaying.

Don't worry if any of this sounds scary. It isn't for everyone, and you might just find that you like one aspect of it - like having ice cubes stroked over your delicate bits! (Oh yes, even that counts as S&M.) There are also ways to keep you or your partner from taking things too far. So don't panic if they suggest it; you can find a way to make it work for you.

Finding your comfort zone

When having a go at anything new, the trick is to first find your comfort zone. Establish what you will do and what you won't. Find which positions you like, which you'd prefer to avoid and what level of discomfort, pain, cold, heat or any extreme you're willing to experience. These are all things to consider and talk about with your partner. Any good sexual relationship is based on communication, even if it's just a moan of enjoyment here and there - it's good to tell each other what you like and what just doesn't work. If you're mature enough to have sex in the first place you should be mature enough to talk about it like adults!

Whoever it is you're giving the time of their life to, you should be able to trust them. This goes without saying, really. But when trying new things that some of your friends might not be into, having your mates find out about it the next day because somebody couldn't keep their mouth shut could be pretty humiliating. Make sure it's someone who won't blab any of the stories you'd rather keep to yourself, and be sure they don't take advantage of your adventurous nature.

Safe words and safe actions

To be sure of how safe you are, it's always good for you and your partner to decide on a safety word or action. It might be that when your partner starts doing something a little too hard, or something that is painful or uncomfortable, you say "Nintendo!" This lets them know how you're feeling without having to describe it and no one will get confused as it's a word that doesn't normally crop up during sex - unless video games is what gets you off!

It might be better for you to use a few words, like "blue" for "Oooh that's nice! Do that more please." or "Yellow" for "That's good, but take it easy otherwise it'll hurt". And "red" for "Ouch! Stop doing that!"

If you think you're the kind of girl that likes to have a ball-gag wedged in her mouth (or in your partners,) you might need to think of a safety action instead. Like holding onto a handkerchief or scarf, and dropping it to indicate when it becomes a little too intense. Whatever you decide to do as a safety measure, always try and respect each other and think about how you would like to be treated yourself.

Feeling sexy during intercourse is what makes it enjoyable, but it's different for everyone. It might involve wearing a special outfit or accessory, or a bit of fantasy roleplay; whatever it is, there is some way bondage can fit around it.

The Victorians and bondage

The Victorians, although they would never admit it, were great at bondage. They were very restrictive by nature, prim and proper. They were the generation that brought us the table leg stockings, to stop men becoming aroused by their dining tables, made ladies hide all of their skin, even an ankle would have been considered scandalous. But, they were also people that gave us some lovely corset designs, the strait jacket, and they also had a real prostitution problem back in those days. So don't let their appearances deceive you; underneath the top hats, layers and layers of petticoats, there were some very naughty underwear items and leather ankle separators!

Scarf bondage and Japanese rope bondage

At the other end of the spectrum, you have scarf bondage and Japanese Rope Bondage (all girls into manga, google search Hentai now.) This is more of an intricate art form, rather than just an act of fun sexual perversion. It's very time consuming, but offers a lot more for the dominant partner if they like being creative. Otherwise the complexity might make it a bit boring for you. It does, however, look incredible, and the millions of different knots and positions are really strong, and keep you well restrained. So it is good for the whole dominant/submissive roleplay thing.

There is a wide range of bondage styles, and most of them go hand in hand with other fetishes. So whatever it is you're into, you'll probably find little bondage motifs everywhere!

Where to find toys

Don't be embarrassed about buying props and toys. The people who work in sex shops are usually quite happy to help and they probably wouldn't be working there if they weren't just as dirty as you!

One of the best sex retailers in the UK is Coco De Mer based in Soho, London. It's a great boutique with really stylish hand made products ranging from lingerie and silky blindfolds, to stirrups, saddles and paddles! Ann Summers is everyone's favourite high street sex shop, and some of the bigger stores have a really great selection of restraints and specialist costumes and outfits. If you don't have the cash to splash out on specialist or vintage sex toys, you can always make your own and customise other cheaper ones. It's probably best to buy your sex toys, just to be on the safe side - but things like restraints, paddles and such can be made of things lying around in your bedroom, or you could just improvise.

Raid your pencil case for your ruler to make a great paddle, that eyemask you wear to blot out the streetlights when you sleep can make a great blindfold. Left over ribbon from last year's Christmas presents, scarves and belts all make great handcuffs. In the heat of the moment, being gagged with your own panties or bra is an acceptable substitute for the real thing. Feathers can be good fun and everyone can find ice cubes in their freezer.

Why not see what goodies you've got lying around your house and use your imagination to make sex even more fun? There is no shame in it. Sex is something everyone should enjoy, but not everyone enjoys the same kind of sex. Find what's good for you by keeping an open mind, staying safe as possible and talking to your partner.

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