by Jessica Carter
From not drinking reindeer wee to not eating pretty little salt dough decorations, here are nearly a million and one ways to have a funky, punky, mooky little christmas. Mwah!
Jessica Carter is possibly the strangest sort of ballerina you can find. She spends most of my spare time giving the neighbours something to talk about, terrifying her homophobic teacher, dancing in the rain and collecting shiny things. She can't decide if she'd rather be a ballet teacher, make up artist or burlesque dancer but her ultimate ambition is to grow old and get many cats which will stand with her in the doorway as she shouts abuse at passers-by.