Glasgow - Rough guide to Glasgow characters

by Manda Jane

After your average Friday night in the city of Glasgow you'll see the evidence littering the streets; smashed bottles of Bucky, empty packs of Mayfare and chips and curry dinner thrown up onto the street. How can you be in love with a city like that? The people.

1. The old granny on the bus (we know she's a gran because she has a bright gold ring with matching ring telling us this) will manage to fit 60 years worth of her life into one bus journey. She'll give you advice you'll never forget and gossip about her neighbours to reveal shocking secrets and gossipy gems that should never have been repeated, ever. Glasgow grannies are just brilliant.

2. The dodgy looking folk who always want 20p for a "cup of tea". One day I'd like to find this place that sells tea for 20p and never leave. Even better than these chancers are the very honest ones who ask us to "borrow" 50p for a bottle of wine/prostitute/smack. They deserve a reward for their honesty.

3. That guy that will not simply give you the directions to Haddows but will walk you all the way and not even expect a reward. He'll treat you like his best pal and will just be happy with some quality chat. The exeption to this guy is the one who you think will be your new pal but really is just leading you down an alleyway to rob you. Hard to tell.

4. The people you meet on the last train home. You always have the best conversations with these people. Not a sober person in sight and everyone is in either a deep and philosophical mood or "I'm not done drinking" mood. Everyone always shares what's left of the bevvy too. Haddows closed two hours ago; desperate measures for desperate times.

5. That woman who stands outside central station singing songs and selling the Big Issue. Isn't she just a legend? She stays happy and enjoys herself doing a job that most people wouldn't be able to even fake a smile for.

6. The wee kid who looks about 12, hanging about outside the newsagents asking everyone to buy them fags. He will refer to everyone as mate. Isn't it beautiful that a 12 year old can be mates with a 40 year old man?

7. That really friendly guy that will warn everyone that the police are coming. Anyone sitting near the Clyde is doing something they shouldn't be and the mutual hatred of the police brings people together. Like a community.

8. Junkies. Kind of a grey area. We all complain but really Glasgow would be lost without them. Without them we would not have some very entertaining conversations/experiences. My personal favourite was one guy outside Somerfield who I made pinky promise me he would go see his children. Only then did I discover he had no pinky, only a stump. Also, life would not be the same without the video footage of a woman with her hand stuck in a postbox. If you really want to view it, you'll find it. The internet is like that.

9. The girls that stoat about the town in pink velour tracksuit bottoms. They provide entertainment for us, we can point and laugh. Poor kids though. 10. Everyone's favourite - friendly neds. They are everywhere; the train home, the chippy, the post office... Wherever you meet them they will always have the best chat. And the best lethal cocktail of various forms of alchohol in a coke bottle.

Anywhere else, these kind of people would be called a pain in the arse/scum but in Glasgow they are characters and we love them. The only guy we don't really love is the "Give me your money or I'll stab you guy". Not cool. Apart from him, the people of Glasgow are what make it so good. Honestly, I couldn't imagine living anywhere else.

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