Cant get a date in Hicksville

Dear Mookychick,

I have had no experiences with the opposite gender, none whatsoever. I’m 16 and from a small (and slightly inbred) town where guys ignore me like they would the Black Death. What would you suggest? I just want to at least get to KNOW a guy, so I have some idea on how to act when I finally meet one that I would like to be with more intimately.

Love, Anonymous Me xxx

The Mookychick answer to your problem

Char says…

Thank yourself lucky you’ve had no experience with the opposite gender, because you soon will! You can count on that! And boy is it a rollercoaster of fun and games.

My first thought to your letter is to say don’t worry.

Seriously, guys will come into your life, guaranteed, take it from someone who knows (me) and you know what? It is scary.

It’s also embarassing at times and it is also wonderfully crazy!

I understand that you live in a small town which severely cuts down your odds of meeting a guy being as all small towns are as you say, slightly inbred, at times, as well as being small and close-knitted. I sympathise you on this one as I myself lived in an assortment of teeny tiny bitchy villages where your business ain’t your own.

My next suggestion is to travel to your friends’ towns and neighbouring villages or perhaps go ‘boy watching’ as I used to do in our local town from the town we actually lived in!! Sounds sad, but it’s an addictive hobby, one of which I’m still an avid fan of. This is better than it sounds because you get to meet boys that aren’t from your village and then you can make the other gals jealous! Failing that, I know it can seem sad, but with everyone pretty much owning a pc and using the net these days, why don’t you join some teen dating sites? Put a cheeky ad on Mookychicks forum for instance, I know boys also use Mookychick. Set up a Myspace or a Faceparty account (how I met my current man and we’re now buying a house!) but try to make sure that you use a website that’s fairly legit, what I don’t want is for you to get comfortable talking to a paedophile or random old freak. Remember one thing, it is never ok for a guy over 18 to want to date you whilst you’re either sixteen or under! It’s just wrong!

If you’re comfortable, perhaps buy a webcam and after a time when you feel comfortable talking on MSN or via email with a boy, move on over to the webcam, and then perhaps a date. Even if you don’t find a boy you like, you’re bound to make heaps of friends who are boys, and maybe even find some girls who know what you’re going through and feel just as frustrated as you do. New experiences are sometimes hard to find, and remember you have to be true to yourself, do things that you are comfortable and relaxed with, and try to be aware that these things do happen, even if unfortunately they take much longer than we may wish. Until then, good luck looking and ignore the idiots who avoid you, hell, i’d avoid them, they sound like losers although there is a possibility they’ll think you’re playing hard to get and chase you! Boys sometimes work like that!

Good luck,

Char x

Ashley says…

My advice to anyone who’s never left the same town they grew up in? Relocate before you turn into fungus. If you can’t actually move, go online or just frequent different haunts. If you’re around people you don’t know, you’re a blank slate. They know nothing about you and you’ll be free to be who you want, i.e. someone who doesn’t get ignored like the Black Death (though, if you think about it, ignoring the Black Death is NOT a smart thing to do.) Online, find a few sane forums or chat rooms or discussion groups where actual intellectual discussion, not tainted by what you’re wearing or how much makeup you wear, can actually be had.

Debs says…

I would suggest you don’t bother with the guys who ignore you. That’s an easy opener, I suppose.

Don’t even think about changing yourself, just so you can maybe get some ‘experience’ with one of them. It won’t be worth it, you’re better than that.

You’re quite young, so you don’t realise just how much time you’ve got to experience the opposite sex. Maybe even shag them too. But you have your whole life ahead of you and you’ll have plenty of time to make all sorts of mistakes.

I’m not entirely sure what advice you’re wanting here. Whether you’re not sure how to get a man, or what to do with one once you have. One has a very simple answer, the other, slightly more complex.

So, how do you get a man? The first thing you need to do is go to places where there’s men you like. It doesn’t sound like you’re visiting the right venues for this. The worst thing about being a young member of a sub culture is that you believe that there’s no one else in the world like you. So you sit in your room, bemoaning this. Trouble is, there’s probably dozens others who are all exactly the same. You’re not alone and there’s more people like you in your small town than you think.

Some of them venture out though, you just need to find them. Change your social habits, work out what it is you like doing. Like writing? Find a writing class. Like music? Go to gigs. Start doing the things you like and you’ll start to meet people who also like doing those things. That’s half the battle. You’ve found men with whom you have something in common.

How do you talk to men you fancy? I’ve tried being all shy, and giggling and just, y’know, hanging back and hoping they might just notice the wonderful person inside me. I’ve tried getting drunk and being loud and brash. I’ve tried deliberately ignoring them. I’ve tried everything and nothing, NOTHING, works better than just being yourself, not worrying about making a good or bad impression. And above all, just looking confident. You don’t have to be confident, just look confident. Talk about stuff you both have an interest in. Ask questions, answer questions, show enthusiasm in shared interests, but don’t go overboard.

It’s not easy and it takes time to get it right. But you will get there. just BE CONFIDENT. You’re a wonderful person and they must want to talk to you.

Eventually you will get a man. What do you do with him?

This is the easy bit to answer. Anything that feels good. It’s as simple as that. There’s no right or wrong answers to this one. If it feels good, do it, if it doesn’t stop. Relax and enjoy it. Don’t worry about if you’re doing this right, or doing that right, because he’ll be thinking just the same. And what works for one person may not work for another. It will all come naturally for you.

Oh, and always, always, ALWAYS use a condom.