Airheads anonymous

by Ruby Mae James

Our little Ruby, who for some reason once thought hummus is a type of honey, is a self-confessed member of Airheads Anonymous. She looks at the pros, cons and whys of being an airhead in an attempt to rediscover her lovely (blonde) roots...

I am a Space Cadet. It's no shameful secret. It's certainly not one I can hide. I'm one of 'those' girls. Sure, I can come across well on paper. "Quirky but clever with it", as I was once told.

There are plenty of clever airheads out there. Intelligent ones, anyway - quick and bright and curious about the world, just maybe not any good with facts and figures, and certainly useless at the whole getting your fork to aim properly into your mouth when you eat thing. The truth is that in real life I'm far from clever. Clever people don't trip over their own bare feet, think hummus is a type of honey and get told off because they weren't paying attention because they were playing with a light switch. I do like my girly stuff. I also bake and sew and dance in meadows with nice dresses and laugh when I shouldn't.

I'm the first to admit my brains are in my naturally dark blonde roots. It's not my fault. From an early age my mind has conspired with my mouth and my feet to work against me in public. I think it stems from when I little and was under pressure to be older than I was. I was the only eight year old receiving bath cubes and Lilliput houses from Santa. At some point when I hit full-impact puberty (which was at nine and I swear it was the bath cubes that did it) my mind rebelled and decided NO MORE ADULT CRAP. Since then I have been easy to distract and have a tendency to get stuck in automatic doors.

It sucks to be considered an airhead. People never listen to you. If I DARE to utter an opinion the response is "It's just Roo" followed by the pat on the head. I would also like to mention to certain people who may be reading this that airheads have feelings too and your cruel jokes don't always go over their heads - so next time you think you are being subtle, try looking into the face of the person you are so wittily insulting. You may see the tears forming that they are trying to hold back.

You also become a magnet to every jerk sniffing around you like a wolf around a lost chicken. Sadly, bad people exist and you suddenly find yourself their prime target for whatever they are after - sex, money, your feelings. It makes a girl twitchy. People forget you are a person with real feelings and moving parts.

I wish it wasn't the case, because I enjoy hanging out with women, but there can be a pack mentality in some women who try to weed out the weaker members of our fair sex with sniggers, gossip and back stabs. Nothing gets those women bonding like a member of the blonde squad. How dare she exist? If I retreat to the company of guy friends I'm in grave danger of being called a slut - even though Sister Wendy has probably had more action than me.

However, everyone becomes a member of Airheads Anonymous for a reason. It's fun to see the world as a playground, with everything in it a wonderful toy or source of wonder (you mean... Hummus isn't a honey? Wow. My world just got that bit bigger). It's nice to retain a feeling of childlike, rather than childish joy. It's nice to feel like everyone's little sister, and feel that - even if you're not getting laid, because one doesn't do that with a little sister - you are getting protection and care.

And sometimes you can find out amazing things that people let slip because they are not as worried around you. After all, you wouldn't understand - you're an airhead. You're safe as houses.

As for insults? A good comeback is hurtful. A good comeback from an airhead is reputation-destroying. The impact is that much bigger.

You can't change the space in your head so you might as well use it. After all, it's not completely empty...

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