Men of Britain - Welcome to Metrosexual 2.0!
by Debbie Read
Men of Britain, do not be afraid! Fear not the great change, which is quickly coming upon us. A man no longer has to be a metrosexual nor a rugby brute to impress his woman - for there is, at last, something in between. Welcome, Men of Britain, to Metrosexual 2.0.
Men of Britain, do not be afraid! Fear not the great change, which is quickly coming upon us (or has happened without people really noticing).
It is no longer a sin to spend hours in front of the mirror (unless I need it - in which case, move it!). You can moisturise and straighten your hair (as long as you don't use my moisturiser and my straighteners) and wear nail varnish and generally not be considered gay because of it.
This is the era of the metrosexual, the man who cares about his appearance and puts some damn good effort in, sometimes putting us women to shame. Too long have women had to put up with sloppish dressing from their men, which has caused numerous problems, including shopping 'issues' and mothering behaviour from girlfriends trying to make their new beau presentable.
Although we can't blame relationship breakdowns on mens' inability to dress, for the purposes of this article we'll agree that clothing matters a lot. Of course we don't just judge men on how they look but it does help.
Some women would argue that they like their men to be men - all rugged-looking like they've just come in from a fight, but now they're going to fix your car and change your light bulb, then sit you down and talk about their childhood, showing that underneath it all they're a big teddy bear.
It does get annoying if your man takes it too far, pushing you out of the way when walking next to a shop so he can get a better look at himself, or putting timetables up in your bathroom with designated 'mirror time', and breaking your straighteners.
However, we seem to have avoided that minor disaster, with a new crossbreed emerging that's bridging the gap between the metrosexuals and the rugged brutes. These men's stubble is designer, it's sculpted, but in such a way which would suggest it's not, you've got to give them points for effort! Who knows how long a man has stood in front of his mirror, removing stray hairs which dare to grow on his chin out of the designated area which is deemed socially acceptable, studying it? A millimetre too long and there'll be women out there who won't touch them with a bargepole. It's not just their stubble. Their hair is expertly styled to look like they've just got out of bed, and their clothes suggest they've put on the first thing they've found, but really they're Topshop's best.
So, men of Britain, fear not the moisturiser nor the mirror. Embrace your metrosexuality and be free! But let's make the distinction, girlies - the Topshop guy, soooo not a metrosexual. He is in fact a metrosexual 2.0, someone who's into their looks but not incurably vain...
This article is dedicated to all metrosexuals, particularly the one who inspired this article. You know who you are...!
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Debbie Read was born with a week early with a navy blue face. She hated school with a passion but had the best three years of her life in university. She jumped out of a plane at 14,000 feet because her mate said it was a good idea. Her grandmother is so desperate for her to get married she's planning to sell her off for a camel, so if you don't hear from Debbie in the near future, call the police. Until recently she had plans to take over the world with bunnies because no-one suspects them, but now she's told you, so it won't work... damn!
