Gaming guide to the Xbox

by Alexandera

Video games. It's a 'boy thing', right? Not anymore. Girl gamers are picking up the controller and developing the fine art of button bashing. Here's a gaming guide for Jane Eyres yearning for a touch of Black Ops...

You know the X box, right? It's the one with the fat controller with the really big buttons. Bill Gates was dead set on having a fat oversized game controller. Everyone thought he was mad, but history has worked in his favour...

First up, you need to buy yourself a console and controller. This can be surprisingly difficult: there are three different versions of the X Box! The 'Arcade' edition is the cheapest and most basic, like plain pizza dough. It doesn't have a hard drive, and you'll run out of 'save space' very quickly. Next up is the cheese and tomato pizza – the 'Premium' edition, which comes with either 20GB or 60GB of memory. Either of these would be good for the new gamer who doesn't have a huge amount of time on their hands, and you'll still be able to build up a reasonable library of games. And then we have the 'Elite', which is the pizza with every single topping imaginable and a price to match. With a 120GB of memory, this is the console you'll buy if you plan on playing three games a day.

Once you've bought your console, take it home, plug it in and switch it on. First up, you need to connect it to the internet, so shove that cable into the back. Now you're ready to create your gamer profile. Choose your username, a little motto and, my favourite part, create your avatar. You can style her on yourself, or turn yourself into an overweight 40-year-old bloke with a dodgy 'tache. Whatever floats your boat.

Okay, now that you're set up, you can disconnect the internet. Trust me, you don't want to start playing online just yet. You will (metaphorically) die. Instead, we'll keep you offline for a little while until you get the hang of buttons, bumpers and triggers. So put in your first game disc – I'd recommend one of the following: 'Devil May Cry' (epic demon-slashing), 'Mirror's Edge' (good girl-core stuff) or maybe you want to dive straight in and get 'Halo 3'. There are so many games to choose from, it's down to personal choice.

The most important thing to remember when starting a new game is to READ THE BOOKLET. Seriously, you might think that there's way too much stuff to remember, but you'll get the basics of the controls (pay particular attention to the attack buttons) as well as the storyline. You'll also discover what the weird bars and symbols on your screen mean. If you really hate reading booklets, fear not. Video games are designed so the opening sections of the game get you used to the controls. But game booklets will give you clues on how to do so, so much better...

So now you're up and playing on your shiny new X Box. Having fun? Hey, are you listening...no, of course not. I should have warned you that shooting demons and Nazi zombies can be addictive. Anyway, when you manage to tear yourself away in a few days for a coffee break, maybe you'll want to venture into online gaming. Or step into the man's world and buy 'Call of Duty: Black Ops' and 'Grand Theft Auto'. Maybe you fancy rocking out to a bit of Guitar Hero. Or, if you edge towards more feminist stuff, purchase a copy of 'Wet' and keep an eye out for 'Bayonetta', which is destined to be one of THE biggest games ever. Just don't forget to venture into the sunlight every now and then and let the world know that you're still alive!

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