My grounded boyfriend
Dear Mookychick,
Hey. I want your advice in a love/boy thing. Well there's this guy I dated back in January. Everything was so good. And I was happy. But then he got grounded... & we could not talk... and he used to sneak the phone to talk to me. Then one day he said "he wanted to be friends UNTIL he got ungrounded" so that's how it was. But he even talked to me & we felt like we were still together. I'm still in love with him & he keeps dating other gurls "FROM OTHER STATES" when he could have me... when I'm only like 40 mins away? Which I think is gay as heck! What can I do to get over him or try to win him back? "
Love, Anonymous Me xxx
The Mookychick answer to your problem
Amanda says...
I think it's time you faced the truth, sweetie. This boy either wants
to let you down gently or keep you hanging on as a reserve. He's not
being very straighforward and honest. He's obviously not grounded as he's
been out and about with other girls. It has nothing to do with you
being only 40 minutes away and everything to do with him not feeling the
same way as you. However, he obviously does like you as a friend and
seems to be keen in continuing your friendship. If you can handle it, keep
him on as a friend. But if you really fancy someone, this can often be
a little complicated. Perhaps its time you had a break from this boy
and have a look around for somone who's going to return your affections
and who doesn't tell lies about being grounded! Good luck!
Char says...
Dear Friend
OK this seems like a normal situation that happens to lots of older girls, just instead of their boyfriends being grounded, they disappear off the radar claiming insipid reasoning coupled with an innate need for 'space' which normally involves copious amounts of alcohol, porn and other women. In your case, he's messing you around. And this could be for many a reason. You say he got grounded by his parents... was this for having a relationship or for something else? You mention that he made the effort to contact you and then seemingly out of the blue decided to call a halt to your thing until he became 'un-grounded'. Now this could be because he cared deeply for you and didn't think it was fair on you to be in a relationship with you and then not be able to see you, or it could be a pussy way of trying to break up with you but not being completely straight up about his intentions.
If you're still in love with him and he's dating other girls, then this will almost certainly lead to intense heartbreak on your part. You ask why he keeps dating girls from other states when he can have you, living local and available? Well, the simple fact is, he's young and he wants to explore his options without being committed to you. Sometimes, and I really stress that this is only sometimes, but sometimes if you withdraw all contact and all acts of love and declarations of togetherness to him, if you hold back, make it nigh on impossible for him to contact you, and when he does give him one word answers, then sometimes (I'm saying this a lot!) the boy in question is jolted into realizing that he does in fact have feelings for whoever is ignoring him and he didn't realize how much until they were no longer available to him. If he doesn't notice and completely drops out of your life making nano effort, then you'll know for sure that he wasn't worth it and you need to move on. My personal feelings on this one, is that you should move on and forget about him. If he's already dating other girls, and he doesn't seem to be bothered about you, you'll only come across as desperate and boys can smell that a mile off.
Good luck xx
Debs says...
Ok, so, I'm guessing what you want to really hear are great tips to win this guy back, so you can go off and live your lives together happily ever after, right?
Sorry, that just isn't going to happen. It's time to be harsh and tough and hear the stuff you may not want to hear. You will not get back with this guy. Ever.
And, well, he's not worth it. Seriously, he's not. He's talking to girls in other states, he's already told you he wants you to be friends, which probably means he has someone else already. He's gone, forget him. He's forty minutes away from you, why bother when you can find someone who may be closer.
Which brings us onto the next question you asked, mainly how do you get over him? Unfortunately, there's no magic pill or drink you can take, which will mean you forget all the feelings you had for this guy. Old hat though it may seem, the only thing that will help is time. If you really cared for him, it'll take a fair bit of time. If it was only a bit of a flash in the pan, then you'll be over him sooner than you think. Oh God, yeah, whilst you're missing him, it'll seem like forever and it'll probably hurt, but you'll get over it. You won't believe you will, but you will get over it. If you have friends, spend some time with them. If you need to talk to them, talk to them, they'll sympathise...
There's nothing more really to say. You seem young and smart, so you'll bounce back from this. And you will find someone better, who deserves you, rather than someone who'll just ring you when his parents are out...
Ashley says...
Tell this boy you're grounding him too. If you're lucky enough to
value yourself and think you're so great he ought to pick you, and he
doesn't, then it's his loss.Find a better boy who doesn't need to be
dishonest, piggish, or a time-out corner.
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