Cutting advice - cutting scars
Dear Mookychick,
I've battled with depression all my life and used to have a bit of a cutting problem. Over the past year or two, I've finally got my life together. My psychiatrist and I have worked out the right balance of meds and everything is going great. I still get a little over-emotional now and then, but overall I have my depression under control. I've closed the cutting chapter of my life for good. But as a result of years and years of self harm, I've got several scars on my body, especially my wrist, that couldn't possibly pass as a "I tripped and fell on a rock" sort of thing. They've faded a lot, but are still fairly visible sometimes.
Now on to the point. I've got a really great boyfriend that I've been going out with for a while and him and I talk about everything together. But I haven't told him about the cutting. I know that I'm done with it and it's in the past, but for a while it was a big part of my life and I feel like I'm not bein totally honest with him by hiding this from him. I'm just afraid of his reaction. He's the sweetest and most understanding guy I've ever met, and I don't think he'd freak out on me or anything. But people have surprised me before.
I feel like I should tell him, but I'm not sure. But I have a feeling that if I don't tell him myself, eventually he'll notice one of my scars and ask about it and some sort of crazy excuse just isn't going to cut it (no pun intended). Some of them are in shapes and obviously not accidental. And if I tell him about it only after he discovers it for himself, I don't want him to think I was keeping something from him.
So my question is, should I just go ahead and tell him about it now to get it out of the way? Or should I just forget about it and cross that bridge when and if I come to it?
"
Love, Anonymous Me xxx
The Mookychick answer to your problem
Char says...
Hello honey
You don't say how old you are - and although it shouldn't matter, often it does. If he's in his teens, he may not have a good understanding of what a cutter is like - tell me who really does, even those of us who do it don't often understand! But I guess, you could get a thirty year old feeling that way 'oh my god how could you do that' etc. I guess you can't really tell unless you know that person. If you feel like you trust him and understand one another - if you have made an opinion as to how he may react using experience or how well you know him now, then I suggest you do what makes you feel comfortable. You are not accountable to anyone but yourself. You know that all successful fulfilling relationships are born from trust, honesty and commitment. The cutting and depression side of things is something that you admit to as being a huge part of your life. And like some chronic illnesses, such as dDiabetes, your depression will most likely be with you for the majority of your life. You wouldn't apologise for being diabetic, so don't feel ashamed of your depression, or even your mode of coping. There isn't a book which says whats right and wrong in life, we use most of our common sense to figure that shit out, but self harm is oh so common, it's still taboo though, but you know, you know it isnt the right thing to do, but yet it's happened, it's shaped you into who you are today and I think you should be applauded and admired for taking ownership of yourself and seeking help - coming through the other side relatively unscathed. So to speak.
Personally if I felt that trust and honesty and all that jazz was very much there in my relationship then I would tell my guy. I'd tell him that in my past I suffered with debilitating depression, and that for a number of years I coped by using self harm as a way of feeling real - or whatever it made you feel. Tell him that you are not ashamed, nor embarassed, that this is the way you were, the way you are now, that you've squashed your demons and that if you felt that way again, you'd seek outside help before it got that far. Speak to him and level with him and don't be ashamed of what you were and how you are now.
Good luck xx
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