Should I wait for me and my ex to get back together?
Dear Mookychick,
Recently my relationship with my boyfriend had been facing a lot of problems. I have to say we have been dating for 2 years. Just about a couple of months ago he started ignoring me and telling me that he was so busy he couldn't find the time. He only called me when he wanted to go to a party (in need of a partner) or wanted to have sex. I told him how I felt, and he said that I had every right to be mad at him and he loved me and was sorry and would make it up to me, but nothing improved. Then he said that in was in my best favor if we broke up and to make a long story short, now he claims to be my friend (but not boyfriend). I know it for a fact that he is not with any other woman. Now, I want to know whether it is healthy for me to try to get him back and if so, what should I do? I love him very much but I've never been in love with him and yet when we were close it felt so good. I want to be realistic. Getting him back would be really good but is it possible? Can I keep him? Please help me to have him back if there is a way. "
Love, Anonymous Me xxx
The Mookychick answer to your problem
Char says...
First of all, no person, whether that be a man, woman or animal (unless it's your cat and they're allowed to disappear and ignore you when it suits them) who claims to be your girlfriend/boyfriend, should ever treat you in a manner that is rude and upsetting and to be honest, just plain ignorant and then call it love. But unfortunately, people do, and people do just that for as long as they can get away with it.
In my experience, people who behave like that, ie. ignoring your calls, texts, being mean and uncaring, causing upset, are often using the coward's method of ending a relationship they don't want to be in by getting you to do it. But here's where the problem lies...most girls don't end the relationship, even though their needs aren't being met. Instead, they try to work at it, in the belier that it will get better.
I'm afraid that by the sounds of your letter, things aren't good and you'd be doing yourself no favours by chipping away at dead wood.
By all means, care for him, perhaps harbour hope that things may improve or even become the love that you really want.
Yes, I think it is unhealthy to want a man who shows you no love and certainly no respect, but I also think that if he really really loved you, then nothing would get in his way. But we don't live in the pages of a Hans Christian Anderson book and therefore in this life some relationships, actually, scrap that, ALL relationships require a lot of hard work to maintain. The question really is whether you want to put yourself through all of that heartache and pain for nothing?
Ashley says...
Why bother digging something out of the garbage disposal trap that you
never much liked to begin with? After two years of a relationship,
there still was no communication. The guy sounds lackluster and
immature. Of course you can have him back if you want - we're not your
mom, and can't ground you and make you not want him, but unless you're
both stuck on a deserted island and you stand to inheirit a vast
fortune for re-populating it as part of a reality tv show, why would
you bother? I mean, sure, you can chew the bubblegum you find under a
barstool, but there's plenty of packs of brand new Bubble Yum to go
around.
Debs says...
Really, you've answered your own question. You say you were never in love with him, which makes me ask, why do you want to get back together with him? Is it because you think, in time, you can love him, or because it was nice and comfortable?
It's never a good thing when a relationship dies, and although you have been dating for 2 years, I'd say that for at least the last six months, maybe more, the relationship has been dying. Neither of you felt ready to put the pair of you out of your misery. At least your boyfriend has done the decent thing and attempted to end in the best way possible. It would be difficult to be friends with him, but it may be worth going for it.
You need to move on now, rather than dwelling on the god times you had. You've now proved that you can't really make it work, and that when you were together it was nothing more than a matter of convenience. Why would you want to stay in a bad relationship, that's no longer going anywhere, when the love of your life could be round the next corner? So, there's no way to get him back that would be good for either of you. You could lose your friendship with him if you try. Be friends and keep it at that.
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