Why do people search for love?
Dear Mookychick,
Why do people search for love? or friendship for that matter? I have been thinking about this a lot over the past few years, but I think that's because I am mostly lonely and trying to prove to myself that my happiness is not dependent on others, as my mom says... I have friends at school and hang out with people from time to time, but whenever I am hanging out with them I sort of feel... dead inside. I generally get really depressed when I start thinking about my friend leaving, so I sort of think that it's better to just stay by myself and block out social interaction from my life. I try thinking that friends or possibly a boyfriend will kinda make me feel better, but then I wonder 'What's the point? It's not like I am going to get married soon and all that they are going to do is break my heart one way or another...'
Help!
Love, Anonymous Me xxx
The Mookychick answer to your problem
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Rosie says...
I suppose everyone likes to challenge themselves, and love is pretty damn hard to find, so it's just something everyone sets as life goal. And little kids grow up with the impression that love is amazing because of fairytales! Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty end with "happily ever after" because they're married or they've been kissed. Friendship just happens, really. People who search for friendship are just lonely people who want someone to laugh with and share problems with, and there's nothing wrong with that. It sounds like you think that you shouldn't be looking for something so hard to find, when there is no real reason. You shouldn't just stay in all the time, you need to get out and have fun, or you'll just get more depressed than ever! A boyfriend may break your heart yes, and you seem quite worried about that, but a friend is like a no-strings boyfriend that you can love in a family way. Arrange a little shopping trip with a friend or something. :)
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Magda says...
Oh dear. By closing yourself off to protect your heart, it sounds like you've already broken it. It's okay, though. Hearts can be fixed! If you think of people like a species on a wildlife programme, people look for love and friends as a biological and social imperative. A species is sometimes more likely to survive predators in groups - mammals love hanging out with each other. And love is obviously all about the mating in the end.
You don't need a boyfriend now, you've got no predators and you don't need to mate! But there's also the soul, or the heart. Has your friend actually left yet, or do you just fear it? If they haven't left, please don't shut yourself off - you probably only get one chance at the game of life, so make your early years fun, and don't keep waiting for good things to happen later. If they've already left, well, the worst is over. You've had some grieving time, and now it's time to pick yourself up, brush yourself off and get on with taking care of yourself. Make sure that the time spent alone is doing things you really enjoy doing, so there's a good reason for being alone. And set yourself the goal of hanging out with people outside school at least once a week to get some balance in your life. Your question about friendship and love shows a good thinking mind. To feel better, you need to do a little doing, as well, so those interesting thoughts don't get on top of you!
