Getting over him
There is always one that got away. The one you were planning to get matching plugs/scarification with. The one you thought and hoped would stay. Here’s how to clear that lost love from your system.
Sex in the City had Mr. Big and you did too. Whether you are ashamed to admit it (please don’t be) there always is that one guy that got away… with your heart. You hear his name and you still squeal. You had plans to get matching plugs, maybe. You compare every relationship to that once-lived romance, but for what? Here’s how to find COMPLETE closure from your supposed soul mate.
Step 1: Stop Denying
You still remember that indie concert you guys went to together and you still go there sometimes. It’s okay to miss the past and to embrace the changes that followed it. It’s okay to cry, hate him, hate the world. And if you see him, hey, you’re allowed to walk away. Just don’t throw chopsticks at him next time you see him. Point made: Accept the pain, accept the break up and accept the fact he still lives and might even want to get on with his own life and go out with someone who isn’t you.
Step 2: Write and burn
Write a song, listen to one. Write a story, read one. Pour all self-expression into physical work. It’s been proven to make you stop crying. (You are allowed to cry – just don’t cry rivers, hun). Whether you are a pyromaniac or not, burning the song or the story or his picture really does make a difference. Emotionally burn it out of your system by meditating if matches aren’t your thing.
Step 3: Work hard, indulge harder
Breaking up is hard but picking yourself up is harder. Excercise is a great way to burn off some fat and burn him out of your system – it raises endorphins and gives you a feeling of hope and acceptance where there was none before. Just don’t overdo it. If you have a job, aim to do sparkle at your job in some way. Keep your mind occupied with some type of hobby or your friends. I’m pretty sure they’ll enjoy hearing your song before you burn it 🙂 Make time to get over him with spa dates with your friends or a horror film (japanese horror preferred) Indulge in ‘you’, but don’t become selfish. There is a chance that even if you feel bad your friends might also have their own pains and want you to be there for them. Yes, you do have the strength.
Step 4: He-tox
To forget the one guy you truly truly cared about, you need to He-tox and EX. Rehabilitate yourself. He may have left you in the dust with a googleplex of questions, or perhaps you always wanted to know the true reason for the split. Ask him nicely if you guys can talk. Look at your reasons though – do you really want to get closure, or are you angling for another reason to talk to them? Remember, the aim of the game is to give yourself closure, not extra pain. Every person needs closure some more than others. Let your questions be addressed but don’t get antsy if he doesn’t give you proper answers. He may feel horrible or rather forget the past. Ask his close by friends for generic questions like “What did he tell you?” and etc. if you MUST know. After closure it’s best to spend 60-85 days away from him (yes, seriously. It takes a good few months to get your perspective back) or no contact. If he says hi, just smile and say hello back and drop it. Closure never meant being rude.
With Step 6 in particular, great friends and a dash of self respect you’ll be able to move on from the past.