Love advice:Cruel ice queens and lovelorn stalkers unite! Read our guide to unrequited love for both sides of the war…
I honestly believe that after earthquakes, floods, and Godzilla, unrequited love is the biggest threat to the human race. Being on ether side is no picnic. For those in love, there is the pain, constant dashed hopes, and strange behaviour and for those who are loved there is panic, frustration, and fear. The sad thing is that it can go horribly wrong if not dealt with properly and the fallout on both sides can get very nasty, very quickly. Before you know it, war has started. People are fighting each other, losing friends, and even risking jobs. All from one person getting butterflies in their tummy. Here is a handy guide to those in love and those who are loved who do not have it returned or wish to return it. Ah, you get what I mean…
For those in unrequited love:
Accept it. That is the hardest part but should be the first part you need to focus on. Do not try to win the other person over with makeovers, hitting the gym, and gifts. If anything, you’ll only offend the other person because it makes it look like you think they are that shallow or possibly Heather Mills.
Respect the fact that the person knows their own mind and if they say no, they mean no. Do not try and look into possible reasons why they turned you down, do not turn up randomly at places they are at, and don’t flirt. This is especially important if you work with them as these can be seen as forms of harassment. You don’t want the rep as the office pervert.
Leave them alone for a while. You don’t have to cut them out of your life but allow yourself time to grieve. Don’t pretend you are okay to be around them when you are not. We can all tell you are not okay.
Don’t take it out on the person they have started dating or are dating. Okay they may actually be a bit of a golddigger/tramp/arsehole/etc but at the end of the day it’s not their fault they are in love with someone you love and they happen to be loved by them too.
Don’t wallow. Allow yourself two weeks then get out with friends, throw yourself into work, and get dating (just don’t talk about this person to your date, I have had to listen myself for four hours on how amazing Jenny was before I nearly faked my own death).
Remember IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. There is nothing wrong with you. They are just not right for you. Why would you want someone who can’t see how awesome you are? Stuff ’em!
For those unrequitedly loved:
Be firm. You don’t have to be a jerk but you need to avoid giving them an inch. People in love will look for false hope in random places such as saying “I don’t date people at work” or “I just got out of a bad break up” or “I’m moving to Romania”. Explain that you are fond of them as a friend but you will not feel anymore than that.
Try not to discuss it with other people. They are hurting enough without feeling gossiped about. You could tell one person you trust though just to keep an eye on things.
Do not accept any gifts, even as a token of friendship and be far less available. Miss the odd call, go out with other friends, and be very busy. Be cruel to be kind.
If their behaviour gets to an unbearable point, talk to them again making it clear that you do find it unacceptable and if they respect you as a friend they will stop. Don’t be quick to report things, see if you can talk to them first. Bear in mind that it’s highly unlikely they are stalking you, they are just working through their feelings and you have seen Single White Female too many times.
If you are seeing someone else, tell them in a very calm way what is happening and explain that you have told this person that you are not interested. Discuss together what you want to do and stick to it. Make sure it’s a plan of action that means all three of you can eventually be friends. You both need to be understanding but never tolerate any bad behaviour towards your partner. This can result is rows and appearing on Jeremy Kyle.