Top 10 Video Game Men
Ten of the loveliest video game men out there. That’s right, a list of top 10 game hotties with no chainmail bikinis in sight. Did we pick your favourites?
Every hardcore gamer has stumbled across some manner of “top ten hotties of the gaming world” list at some point – normally led by heavily sexualised female characters whose personality comes second. Even the mixed gender lists are packed with fantasy women, usually rendered into dreadful little bikinis. While plenty of excellent and tasty game heroines exist who deserve the shout out, the lack of good game men has always bothered me. So, here it is – my personal top ten hot game men list. Grab the tissues, girls.
10. Kratos (God of War franchise)
Alright, he’s a cold-hearted womaniser who’s always got an ulterior motive, but damn, that man is a serious badass. He plunges through unending battles, launches himself through deadly traps, and takes on the gods themselves without breaking a sweat. That’s bound to catch a girl’s attention. Sporting serious “don’t-f*ck-with-me” attitude combined with a Greek-esque kilt and full body paint, Kratos is a much bigger heartthrob than expected. Plus (don’t lie!) we all love that button-twiddling sex mini-game.
9. Felix (Golden Sun – Dark Dawn)
There’s nothing like a solid anti-hero, and Felix is definitely one of these. Torn over previously helping the enemy and determined to save his friends at all costs, Felix is a dark soul with a warm heart. What’s not to love?
8. Varric (Dragon Age 2)
Aye, he’s a dwarf. Broad. Short. You know the drill. His hairy chest and medallion are provocatively displayed at all times, but that’s because Varric stays true to himself, not outdated fashion trends. Whether he’s derring-doing or trying to aid his family fortunes, he lounges with the ease of an alley cat and more than knows how to get his flirt on. Though nearly all the other Dragon Age characters hop into bed at the drop of a helmet, Varric’s heart is sworn to the only woman in his life, his crossbow, Bianca. Equal amounts of frustration, respect and admiration ensue all round.
7. Noel Kriess (Final Fantasy XIII-2)
Ahhh, Noel. A relative newcomer to the FF franchise, he displays the powerhouse fighting skills typical of a FF front man, combined with just enough magic and an excellent set of lovely wide shoulders. Strong yet sensitive, vulnerable and loyal, Noel also has just a hint of that lovely dorkiness so common in FF front men, but not seen in full since the heart-melting perfection of FFX’s Tidus. He spends at least half of the game crying over assorted females, and the other half swearing revenge for them, and all the while attempting to save the world. Seriously, melt.
6. Dorian (Costume Quest)
Dear reader, of this I ask you – what could be more exotic than a make-up clad mystic man who transforms into both a black cat with a very visible arse and a glowing man-pumpkin? NOTHING. While he’s one of the lesser characters in the game, Dorian plays several key roles in helping the little heroes and bringing down his wicked twin sister Dorsilla. He’s spotted at the end of the video game, grinning while driving an ice-cream van and chucking sweets to all the kids who had theirs stolen. Bless!
5. Luka (Bayonetta)
It’s sort of hard to spot Luka initially, given the extensive levels of distraction that the infamously sexy Bayonetta provides, but once he gets a hold of you, you’re doomed. He’s cheeky, flirty and gorgeous, but also brave and steadfast in the face of danger. Not to mention that insatiable laugh…
4. Zidane (Final Fantasy IX)
I could’ve picked many a man from the FF franchise (yes, one of my favourites), but Zidane will always have a special place in my heart. His virtuous soul, fabulous sense of humour and endearingly simple love for his friends – not to mention an irrepressible habit of showing off at really awkward times, adorable! – makes him one of the most believable and lovable FF characters to date. Plus, he looks like David Bowie with a money tail.
3. Leon S. Kennedy and Chris Redfield (Resident Evil franchise)
Oh, I couldn’t just choose one. Though Leon and Chris had apparently met before off-stage, (Leon and Chris’ sister Claire met in RE 2, and most likely banged once all the zombies had been ganked) we first see the two together in the most recent instalment, Resident Evil 6, where they have a rather awesome and manly cat-fight. Leon in particular has been a firm favourite amongst Capcom fans since his debut, thanks to his dry wise-cracking, sexy hair, and rather erotic use of bazookas. Ooft.
2. Farkas and Vilkas (Skyrim)
From my favourite fantasy RPG, I present my favourite hot Nord twins. These two have a huge following – Goggle images practically exploded with DeviantArt submissions when I typed their names in – and it’s no surprise why. The pair has a lot of character, two excellent voice actors and hey, mega bonus points for being big hairy werewolves. Farkas in particular caught my eye – not the sharpest tool in the box, but certainly capable of solid conversation, as well as being a valiant warrior and devoted friend. And, best of all – this big bad wolfie is petrified of spiders. Squee!
1. Dante (Devil May Cry franchise)
Sweet mother of Christ, look at him go. Oh, Dante… Ravager of demons, defiler of dreams… An all around unstoppable hardcore bastard, this fella is AWESOME. Couple the trademark cockiness with the 80’s biker look (except in DMC4, where he wears chaps – CHAPS!! Cue fainting!), Dante positively rocks the cult game scene. He’s another one with a big fat fan base, but is sort-of unknown outside of it – quite the shame. Twin to estranged brother Vergil and reluctant owner of the famous Devil May Cry agency, as well as being a half-demon – but human enough to be a proper mamma’s boy – it’s little wonder we all love him so dearly. You’ll catch Dante flirting, f*cking, fighting and swearing his way through his five adventures, or else just chillin’ to some great music with Trish and Lady and a pizza – he’s that sort of guy. And I, for one, am very eagerly awaiting the upcoming cinematic instalment.
Real life Dante? HOLD ME BACK!
Garrus, we like you.
Pyramid Head, we like you too. Shh. Don’t talk; you’ll spoil it xxx