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Self Development: Every girl is daddy's girl
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by Ruby Mae James
No matter what your relationship with your dad is - even if it's rocky as hell - inside all of us is a daddy's girl who loves to throw a ball, spit long distances and care about the first man in her life. Ruby Mae tries to get a father's day present for one of the most difficult daddies of them all...
For once, at least, I would like the Overlord (my Dad) to come up with an idea for a father's day gift other than a CD. I am, after all, total Queen of Christmas, Goddess of Birthdays, and Easter genius. I make up my own gift baskets, plan decoration to the smallest detail making the front room look like a Harrods display window... I bake and I am a genius with glue.
While the Mothership drives me mad when it come to everything in general, the Overlord has holidays like Father's day pinned down right up to the blank expression on his face when he opens my custom-made picture frame with grumpy baby picture inside. I ask myself why I do it... only to realise that not only do I love any excuse to cheese up, I am also my father's daughter. That means I'm stubborn, and as determinded to get my own Dad to like a gift as I am determined to get a comment from the Mothership that isn't "Do you really think you can get away with that dress... with those hips?"
I am aware of his tastes. He is a huge WWE fan, spending hours glued to the TV watching the girls wrestle in pudding while the Mothership says "It's fine" and starts to bang things in the kitchen. I doubt, though, that Torrie Wilson would like to be kidnapped, stuck in a box and shipped to Devon. Dad loves his rock but I am running out of albums to buy him. My only wish is that Meatloaf starts producing albums on a yearly basis just so I don't have to stand there in HMV explaining to a 15 year old shop assistant who the hell Peter Gabriel is.
Why do I do it? I'll admit our relationship has never been the best. My childhood was spent being the emotional football for his maniac depression to score goals with and my teenage years caused nothing but endless rows, both of us stubborn as mules and refusing to move from the middle of the road until the 14 wheeler came around the corner... or "Mum" as I call her. Throughout these painful years I was rammed rather than pushed into acting. While I was on stage I would catch sight of Dad rolling his eyes and looking out for the nearest exit while the idea of starting a small fire rolled around in his head.
I do it because I love him. Every woman deep down has that little girl inside her that still like panda pops, can spit over long distances, and loves her Daddy. He is the first most important man in your life and no matter what your relationship is, that feeling never leaves. Plus he makes damn good chips and helps me gang up on the Mothership when she is in full swing. Also, he finally accepts that at 22 I am my own person.
Now to wrap that Van Morrison CD...
About the author
Ruby Mae James is a performance artist/comedian/writer who does a sideline in supervillainry and eating pic'n'mix. She drinks only babycham and wanders around the house in 50's style cocktail dresses, Elvis shades and bunny slippers pretending to be profound.
About the author
Aubrey Gealsha is studying to be a computer-based graphic artist. "I am basically your sterotypical artsy kid. I draw, I paint, I sculpt, I do it all. I live in the boonies of a small town which only consists of 2 stop lights, one of which is actually in working order. And home of the best homemade donuts EVER! I currently work at SEARS as a cashier while attending a branch of Kent State for Computer Design and Animation. I hope to end up ar Pixar someday... so watch out for my name in those credits..."
