Urban camouflage - lara croft style

It's so crazy you couldn't make it up, but green/brown splodgy camouflage fabric is very attractive. If it's a mooksome pair of camo pants, say. Or funny jackety things. Or teeny-tiny skirts you couldn't wrap a sandwich in.

Greeny splodges are also fab because they make us blend into the jungle! Bonus! Except, er, we don't live in a jungle, not even an urban one, whatever drum and bass artistes claim.

Be honest. The last time (if ever) you were in a jungle the only evasive action you took was to avoid your holiday romance stalker and you were probably wearing togs as survival-related as a sarong and flip-flops.

So what gives? Urban camouflage? Bit of a misnomer, eh?

Urban camouflage should BLEND with the environment most of us live in. Check out the list below - you keep all the style but lose none of the practicality!

URBAN CAMOUFLAGE FOR TODAY'S YOUNG MISS

Instead of splodges that suggest 'leafy and 'twiggy' and maybe ' incontinent panther' this is what urban camo should be about:

- tramp sick

- old bubblegum that's probably been chewed by more than one person

- concrete

- smeggy victorian brick

- pigeon poo (different textures and consistencies of course)

- Cyberdog/kiddie trainer style flashing LEDs to blend in with police car sirens

- Deep pockets to store the booty from all the tabloid-friendly muggings we're likely to commit

- blue alcopop stains

- chip grease

Then again... who wants to blend in with their background?

Mookychicks stand loud and proud in their territory. The rest of the world should be camouflaging itself to look like us...

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