Zombie movies: Zombieland is a zombie rom-com that has no interest in explaining how the zombie apocalypse happened. Who cares? We just want to enjoy the 33 rules of zombie survival and Bill Murray…

I live in the knowledge that my demise will be the result of a zombie attack.

I have always been obsessed with the concept of zombies and devoured (excuse the pun) all types of films and literature on the subject. And so I find myself believing that the end of the world and the dead walking is inevitable. Laugh all you want – but I’ll be the one who’s ready for the zombie apocalypse when (not if) it happens.

Thankfully after watching Ruben Fleischer’s Zombieland, I’ll have a set of rules to help me live longer than you lot. Why not watch it too, and increase your chances of survival…

Zombieland is possibly the best zombie movie ever made. Seriously. Why? Because, after watching it, I was left with a sense of hope. I was waiting for the bad stuff to happen and – well – it didn’t. Obviously, zombies inheriting the earth and chowing down on the last of the human race isn’t great, but as Woody Harrelson’s fantastic character Tallahassee tells us, ‘you have to enjoy the little things’. Whether it’s pummelling a zombie or savouring the creamy joy of a Twinkie.

Modern zombie movies need a twist to keep our interest (like ‘Shaun of the Dead’, many have billed this as the latest in a brand-new genre of zombie rom-com). The twist in Zombieland is the positivity, a welcome change for all us zombie-hating doomsayers. In most zombie movies, a person always ends up being bitten just after a smooch. A main character’s intestines seem to always get munched on after a feat of heroism. Zombieland is different – it’s cheesy and it’s funny. More specifically, it’s a ‘Superbad meets Natural Born Killers meets Day of the Dead, set in Alton Towers’ kind of funny. It’s all in bad taste and it has Bill Murray thrown in as well.

Bill… Murray!

Oh, thank you, gods of comedy. You’ve answered my prayers.

Now, our story pretty much starts with a geeky agoraphobic kid (played by Jesse Eisenburg from Adventureland ) dragging himself away from World of Warcraft and making his way through the apocalypse – managing to stay alive with 33 Zombieland rules. One of which states that Bounty paper towels are an apparent must, and another of which (rule number 5) states: No attachments. You can see where this is going, can’t you? Our hero soon meets Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) under the pretence that he will catch a lift to Columbus with him and make his way on his own after that, but with the arrival of Wichita (played by the beautiful Emma Stone, she of Superbad fame) And Little Rock (The brilliant Abigail Breslin from Little Miss Sunshine) it doesn’t seem to pan out that way.

The main characters are brilliantly flawed, just like us normal people really. Well sort of. And we begin to see how they have to adapt to a life on the run from rotting body bags. There’s no explanation to why the zombie apocalypse happened, which – from this sort of film – is what I want. I want to see zombie mayhem from the average Joe’s perspective. I want to be left in peace to wonder ‘what the heck would I do?’ Curl up and cry probably. Luckily the zombieland anti-heroes have better ways of dealing.

I can understand other people finding Zombieland unsatisfying. If you’re looking for a serious zombie flick (haha I did an oxymoron!) you won’t find it here. Don’t get me wrong… at one point, as I was watching a character blow away 100 zombies after having locked themselves in a cadged funfair stall and then walk away from the incident, I did momentarily think ‘I’m pretty sure that was a bit unbelievable’ until I came back down to earth and remembered that dead walking isn’t really THAT believable, laid back on my recliner again and lost myself in all the fun. Because that’s what it is. Fun.

So do please watch Zombieland, I beg of you. One day we may all need to unite against an army of the dead and I don’t want have to leave you behind. It’s time to nut up or shut up…