Pretend to be a time traveller day
Pretend to be a time traveller day is on December 8th – so we’re telling you in good time. Although you can pretend to be a time traveller every day. Or, indeed, be one.
December 8th has been declared “Pretend to be a Time Traveler Day.” The whole idea is to pretend for the day that you are a traveller from a different time – except that, of course, you can’t actually tell people you’re a time traveller, because they’ll think you’re crazy. There are, of course, options as to how a traveller from another timezone might act:
Pretend to be a time traveller from a cliché utopian future
“If someone from the far future did a documentary of the last fifty years, this is how poorly the re-enactors would dress.”
Think Star Trek: TNG or the time travellers from Hob. Ever see how the society in Futurama sees the 20th century? Run with it. Your job is to dress with moderately anachronistic clothing and speak in slang from varying decades. Here are some good starters:
- Greet people by referring to things that don’t yet exist or haven’t existed for a long time. Example: “Have you penetrated the atmosphere lately?” “What spectrum will today’s broadcast be in?” and “Your king must be a kindly soul…”
- Show extreme ignorance in operating regular technology. Pay phones should be a complete mystery (try placing the receiver in odd places). Chuckle knowingly at cell phones.
Pretend to be a time traveller from a dystopian future
This one offers a little more flexibility. A dystopian future can be any kind of future from Terminator to Judge Dredd to Freejack to (dear Gods, no) Doomsday. The important thing to remember is to dress like a crazy person with armour.
Black spray-painted football pads, high tech visors, torn-up trenchcoats and maybe even some dirt here or there. Remember, dystopian future travellers are very startled that they’ve gone back in time. Some starters:
- If you go for the “prisoner who’s escaped the future” route, try shaving your head and putting a barcode on the back of your neck. Then stagger around and stare at the sky, as if you’ve never seen it before.
- Walk up to random people and say “WHAT YEAR IS THIS?” and when they tell you, get quiet and then say “Then there’s still time.” Then run off.
- Stand in front of a statue (any statue, really), fall to your knees, and yell “noooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”.
- Stare at newspaper headlines and look astonished.
- Take some trinket with you (it can be anything really), hand it to some stranger along with a phone number and say “In thirty years dial this number. You’ll know what to do after that.” Then slip away.
Pretend to be a time traveller from the past
This option is best suited to beginners. Basically, one pretends to be a time traveller from the past by dressing in period clothing (preferably the Victorian era, although you get bonus points for Greco-Roman or ancient Sumerian. In fact, you get a bazillion points for achieving the impossibility of Modern Sumerian, although technically you’d then be a time traveller from the present, not the past, which is somewhat less exciting).
After donning your period clothing simply stagger around being amazed at simply everything. If possible, throw up from sheer nerves at the prospect when forced to travel in a car or bus. Since the culture of the past is set in place already, you have more of a template to work from as a time traveller from the past. Some pointers:
- Airplanes are terrifying. Also, carry on conversations with televisions for a while.
- Discover and become obsessed with one trivial aspect of technology, like automatic door in a supermarket. Stay there for hours playing with it.
- Be generally terrified of people who are dressed immodestly compared to your era. Tattoos and shorts on women are especially terrifying.
If you’re thinking of attire for a time traveller from the past, this Time Traveler Victorian Lolita Steampunk Crown Burlesque Opera Headdress Fascinator Hairpiece from the Steam Society is fantastic. BUT! Gasp with horror at those IMMODESTLY BARED shoulders!