Top 10 Wrong Unicorns
A unicorn should either be the physical embodiment of rainbows and light or a grizzly horny thing with good PR that only unaccountably chills out in the presence of virgins. We’ve collected some of our favourite wrong unicorns. Damn you, internet.
1. Barbie Unicorn
Barbie already gets the dresses, the tiaras, the Ken-loving, the parties and the doll/TV/movie franchise. Now she wants to muscle in on Unicorns as well? Jesus. This girl wants all the cake.
2. Tasty Unicorn
Wrong. So wrong. Everyone knows the magic is stored in the brain and horn, not the saddle.
3. Robot War Unicorn
Unicorns make fantastic war horses – they’ve got chargeworthy spears on their heads and make macho warriors look boss. The problem is that this unicorn is carrying the wrong robot. Not even a robot – a cyborg. Why not lead the Terminator to battle instead? This unicorn has set its sights embarrassingly low.
4. Tupac Unicorn
If Tupac as a unicorn is wrong then we don’t wanna be right. We do not, however, understand why Tupac-Unicorn is leaping out of this man’s body. Tupac-Unicorn, stop being lazy and canter back to the studio/meadow, you cantering, smoky-eyed fool. PS Look how the ‘u’ in ‘outlaw’ looks like a little horseshoe. Sweet.
5. Bike Unicorn
Bike Unicorn, you cannot ride yourself. You cannot ride yourself, little bike unicorn.
6. Naked Obama Unicorn
For all we know this painting could be ultra right wing and racist and that would be the worst but we literally cannot tell what the f*ck is going on. The bear’s Russia, maybe? And the unicorn is… Atlantis? And it’s managed to pick the bear’s nose and emasculate its horn by turning it into a bad-ass vulva? Hey Artist Person, it’s okay if you got Obama’s foot the wrong way round. It’s not like you were drawing from life. Right? …. Right?
7. Furry Unicorn
There is nothing wrong with digging unicorn men, and digging them hard and proud. We are not into furry-bashing. However, it’s clear from this that unicorn keratin is rainbow-coloured, resulting in a rainbow mane and tail. Joyous emission does not contain keratin.
8. Startled Unicorn Mask
What the hell is this? Unicorns are meant to be happy and cool and at one with themselves. Who wants to pay real money to look like a unicorn that is really ill at ease?
9. Samurai Unicorn
It’s like he doesn’t know exactly how a Samurai Unicorn should act. Which is fair; we don’t know, either.
Oh wait, the video didn’t migrate in the Mookychick relaunch. It’s probably for the best.
10. Violated Unicorn
This is why we can’t have nice things.
11. Right Unicorn
And, finally, a right unicorn. This unicorn is correct. The only thing wrong is that there’s only one of him. We love you, Pink Model Unicorn Man. You brighten our days in the ways that only a unicorn can.