April fool news 2009

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• New washing machine for pets released in Japan.
• Fruit and nuts announce their separation and will no longer appear in bagged assortments or chocolate any more. They are still in mediation over muesli.
• Casebook, the new social networking site for true crim fans is launched. Every 100,000th member is murdered in the style of the serial killer of their choice.
• Coffee suppositories to be given to sleepy throat cancer patients.
• Frogs prescribed by doctors to cure gout.
• America hit by new hair piercing craze.
• Y is to be reclassified as a super vowel, or constewel.
• The government are announcing a Twitter Laureate who will comment on important events in the Royal Household in less than 140 characters to try to make the royals more appealing to the young.
• Nestle are to release a luxury chocolate made from red panda milk. It has a slight wicker taste.
• Scientists at the Cern project think they have discovered a fourth primary colour which could easily be mistaken for brown.
• The number seven is being abolished due to its supernatural associations, and we shall work in base 9 from now on.
• Self-boiling eggs have been developed by genetic modification.
• Malawi people offer to adopt one of Madonna’s children.
• Peaches Geldof’s new autobiography is universally acclaimed by critics. Peaches are not the only fruit.
• X-ray machines installed in all clubs to allow for display of internal tattoos.
• Pope to introduce new condoms by way of apology, with rosary attached for both stimulation and penance.

Nestle are to release a luxury chocolate made from red panda milk

New washing machine for pets released in Japan

Malawi people offer to adopt one of Madonna’s children