April fool news 2009

April fool news 2009
| Feminism > Activism

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  • New washing machine for pets released in Japan.
  • Fruit and nuts announce their separation and will no longer appear in bagged assortments or chocolate any more. They are still in mediation over muesli.
  • Casebook, the new social networking site for true crim fans is launched. Every 100,000th member is murdered in the style of the serial killer of their choice.
  • Coffee suppositories to be given to sleepy throat cancer patients.
  • Frogs prescribed by doctors to cure gout.
  • America hit by new hair piercing craze.
  • Y is to be reclassified as a super vowel, or constewel.
  • The government are announcing a Twitter Laureate who will comment on important events in the Royal Household in less than 140 characters to try to make the royals more appealing to the young.
  • Nestle are to release a luxury chocolate made from red panda milk. It has a slight wicker taste.
  • Scientists at the Cern project think they have discovered a fourth primary colour which could easily be mistaken for brown.
  • The number seven is being abolished due to its supernatural associations, and we shall work in base 9 from now on.
  • Self-boiling eggs have been developed by genetic modification.
  • Malawi people offer to adopt one of Madonna’s children.
  • Peaches Geldof’s new autobiography is universally acclaimed by critics. Peaches are not the only fruit.
  • X-ray machines installed in all clubs to allow for display of internal tattoos.
  • Pope to introduce new condoms by way of apology, with rosary attached for both stimulation and penance.

 

Nestle are to release a luxury chocolate made from red panda milk

New washing machine for pets released in Japan

Malawi people offer to adopt one of Madonna’s children

 

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