You Shouldn’t Have Kids Because My Kids Will Bully Them

You Shouldn't Have Kids Because My Kids Will Bully Them

One argument against adoption for LGBT couples is the kids will get bullied. Yeah but NO. Also, a straight pride march in Helsinki?

So there’s a lot of talk going on right now, not only about same gender marriage but also about adoption rights. Now, I don’t know if you guys have heard, but there was a Straight Pride event in Helsinki, Finland on the 21st of September 2013. The organiser of this event was recently interviewed, and this is the argument he used against allowing same gender couples to adopt:

“Children of gay couples will be bullied at school.”

The Straight Pride event in Helsinki. Maria Rakajari and Jani Viinikainen (event organiser, on right) want more discussion on hetero rights. Seriously? Photo: Matti Matikainen

This is not the first time I’ve heard this argument. Heck, I’ve even heard it from my own mother. Now, what really gets me about it is that people clearly aren’t thinking about the issue too much when they say this. From what I know of bullying, it involves at least two people: the bullied, but also the bully. So who do these people think is doing the bullying? Faeries and poltergeists? Mischievous river spirits? No, it’s other children – specifically, the children of straight couples. So really what these people are saying is: “you shouldn’t have kids because my kids will bully them”.

These same people like to talk about how ruthless children are, how they will bully others for not wearing the right brand of clothing, or wearing glasses, or anything they can think of really. The line of thinking seems to be that “bullies gonna bully, so being even slightly different in any way is gonna give them ammo”. This is a) not very convincing and b) a super harmful way of thinking.

Why it’s not convincing: Well, it’s technically saying “it doesn’t matter if your kid has gay parents, they’re gonna be bullied anyway” – so the problem isn’t actually same-gender couples adopting children. The real problem is bullying. Also, in regards to the argument being very harmful – it’s victim-blaming. It’s telling children it’s their own fault (or in this case, their parents’ fault) that they’re bullied, because they’re different. Because they have two mums or dads. It’s not the bully’s fault, oh no… they’re just being a normal kid.

So while “normal straight people” who oppose adoption rights for same gender couples say they’re defending traditional family values, all I’m hearing is that they haven’t yet considered how they’re contributing to the problem they think they’re fighting.

Disclaimer: this is in no way an attack on straight people. This is an attack on a harmful way of thinking.