Coming out to parents as gay

Coming out to parents as gay
| Feminism > LGBTQIA

Coming out to parents as gay – or any aspect of LGBTQ – is a big step, and one that most people think they must take in order to truly be who they are. Here are some tips to keep in mind when deciding how/when/where/if to come out to your parents.

Many parents are accepting, if not immediately, then over time, but some parents don’t take the news as well. This may be because they need time to mourn the future they envisioned for you – a future featuring husband/wife, biological grandchildren etc. (even though today, those goals can be achieved no matter your orientation/identification.) If you do decide to tell your parents you’re gay, the following tips may help you create the best circumstances for a conversation that will be important to you.

  • You need to accept yourself and be comfortable with who you are before you expect someone else to.
  • If there is a great chance that you will be kicked out or disowned, you might want to consider waiting until you have enough independence to take care of yourself, or make sure you have somewhere to stay.
  • Consider coming out to friends or other family members first to gain a support net to fall back on if things go wrong (you get kicked out, disowned, or such).
  • Decide on what to say ahead of time so you aren’t babbling like an idiot.
  • Choose an appropriate place (that is safe in case something goes wrong, in other words, not in a moving car) to come out to your parents. Perhaps you can choose a place where both you and your parents will feel comfortable.
  • Pick a time when your parents are in a good mood. Shouting at them in the middle of a heated argument that you are queer may not be the best idea.
  • Explain to them that you are still the same daughter/son (or however you identify) they have always known, and that this doesn’t change that.
  • Tell them you love them (if you do).
  • If you are too nervous, or afraid of their reaction, try writing a letter. Sometimes it is easier to write things down than to say them, and this will give your parents time to think it over before seeing you in person.
  • Don’t expect them to be accepting right away (although if they are, that’s great!). They might need some time to cool off, or get used to the idea.
  • Do some research, maybe buy them some reading material (such as

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