But I Thought You Were A Lesbian! Yes – And I Love My Trans Husband.

trans lesbian marriage
| Feminism > LGBTQIA

Explaining about my sexuality seems like I am manoeuvring a minefield. Every ‘wrong’ thing I say seems to detonate an explosion of questions.

“So, you’re straight then?”

“No, I am not.”

“But didn’t you just say that guy was cute?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Sooooo you’re bisexual?”

“No, that’s not what I said.”

“Then what are you?”

“I am gay. A lesbian.”

“Oh, okay. So you have a girlfriend?”

“No, but I have a husband.”

“Wait, what? But I thought you were a lesbian!”

I have had this exact conversation, word for word, with more people then I care to keep track of. Being a lesbian in this world is hard enough on a good day. Throw in the fact that I have a husband and it makes people’s head spin around like Regan’s when she’s possessed in The Exorcist.

My partner is transgender. Female to male (FTM). I fully support him and his gender identity. He still identifies as a lesbian (perhaps all men like to make that joke) and has not come out to anyone other than myself. The way he looks at it, we have the same sexuality.

Anyone can surely understand that, as a “gold star” lesbian, I never thought the words “I love my husband” would ever be coming out of my mouth – but life is funny that way. So there’s a question I have been throwing around in my mind over and over and over again. Does this make me straight?

The answer? No, it does not. It makes me human. It makes me learn to love in a way I never knew how. Learn to love in a way I’d previously thought impossible. It makes me learn to see past what meets the eye and really see my husband for who and what he is.

My husband is a beautiful soul who just wants to feel like he is who the universe meant him to be. It takes true courage and strength to be who you are. If you are reading this and think your partner or someone close to you is transgender, I hope you find it in your heart to be there for them. I hope you find it in your heart to provide a safe space for them to truly be themselves.

On the reverse side, if you are transgender and haven’t told your loved ones yet, I hope you one day find yourself in a position where you feel you can do so. Life is far too short to ‘be’ someone you are not.

Am I gay? Am I straight? Am I bisexual?

I am me. I am human and I am a lesbian in love with a man.

How about that?

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