Kelly Osbourne

Kelly Osbourne

Dear Kelly Osbourne,

Since you exploded on the scene with ‘The Osbournes’ we’ve adored you for your combo of loud mouth, sharp style, teenage petulance and talent for performance.

It doesn’t matter if you keep changing your mind about what you think – Germaine Greer does that all the time, and no-one slags her off for it. We love you for saying “I can understand Kate Moss being nominated for Celebrity Mother of the Year – she always puts her babies first” and following it up with “I’d rather eat my own sh*t than be part of that Primrose Hill set.” Who cares? You are vibrant, a veritable human firework, and have a will of steel to be able to not only cope with the limelight and thrive on it.

We love your posh english / cockney / american accent too. Like you, it exists from moment to moment! You are a real girl in an unreal world… thank you for sharing our bizarre existence with us. Hell, you can fill our screens for ever. Welcome to the Mookychick icons boudoir, young lady!

Love, Mookychick xxx

Kelly Osbourne quotes:

“I just think you would never kill and cut up a human to wear so why do it to animals? I just think it’s horrible, I would never wear fur, although I guess if it was a really vintage piece you might just get away with it.”

“My teeth, my car, my vagina, my business.”

“I was dating this guy and we would spend all day text messaging each other. And he thought that he could tell that he liked me more because he actually spelt the word ‘YOU’ and I just put the letter ‘U’. “

“The dog’s pissing in the bottle….just like she sh*t in Dad’s bag of weed in Hawaii.”

“Mum comes in and says ‘I’m working out,’ and she’ll just be standing there naked doing a dance…”

Kelly Osbourne Best Known For:

Sharp hair. Being a rock royalty icon and a foul-mouthed new wave goddess. Hogging the spotlight. Unrepentantly kitsch clothes. Emotional highs and lows with no-good rocker boyfriends. Nutso family. Her rocking send-up of Madonna’s ‘Papa don’t Preach’. A wild lifestyle that currently outshines her song discography, though we hope and know this will change as the songs get better and better!

Kelly Osbourne Least Known For:

Being shy and retiring. Going to a proper school in England (yes, she did – and it shows. Very occasionally.) Her natural hair colour – the last time anyone saw it was when she was 16.

Kelly Osbourne Background:

Kelly Osbourne (born 1984) grew up just as Ozzy Osbourne’s band, Black Sabbath, was getting a major comeback. She divided her time between posh British schools and international hotel rooms, and ended up in a palace covered in tiny-dog poo-poo in America.

Kelly and her feisty fat mouth are pure fun to watch on stuff like Meet the Osbournes. Who else makes you want to laugh and cry and throw popcorn at the screen? But when she is feuding with Christina Aguilerra in interviews or scrapping with Jack Osbourne, it’s too easy to forget just how much crap she has on her plate at any one time.

>Burglars attacking her house, her mum getting diagnosed with cancer, her dad practically breaking his neck in a freak golfbuggy incident, her brother’s alcoholism, her own addiction to painkillers (since dealt with through rehab and splurging it out into the lyrics of a new album, well done Kelly-girl!)… the sh*t-list goes on.

The good news is that Kelly O. has never failed to wear cool tarty clothes and shine through it all like a beacon of peppermint-flavoured joy. Oh Kelly? God just phoned to say he gave you his entire human race personality quota for 1984 by mistake and wants some of it back. Shall we put Him on hold? No, Kelly! NO! You CAN’T give God the finger! Oh wait… you just have…

Kelly Osbourne Mooky Factor:

Fairly high. It really doesn’t matter if you love Kelly or hate her. Your reasons will be the same anyway. She’s so full of life, she’s bound to annoy someone. Ssh! Don’t tell her we think Xtina is a bit of an icon, too…

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