How to be a Hollywood Vamp

How to be a Hollywood Vamp

“I’ll come and make love to you at five o’clock. If I’m late, start without me”. Vamp screen icon Tallulah Bankhead was a Hollywood vamp with a hell of an attitude, and she even managed to keep her clothes on – a lot of the time. With some nips and tucks to your attitude, not your body, you can be a Hollywood vamp too.

‘Hotness appeal is 50 percent what you’ve got and 50 percent what people think you’ve got’ – Sophia Loren.

You don’t need butt-length blonde hair or legs a mile long; you can be fat or thin, tall or petite, beautiful or, well… facially challenged. You can still entrance the person of your dreams with your sexuality.


A true gender goddess has confidence in herself, it’s all about her attitude. She knows she’s gorgeous and that she deserves the best; this is not arrogance, it’s pure self-belief. She doesn’t give others the chance to judge her.

She has GSOH (Good Sense Of Humour). Any woman can be beautiful: they can put on a bedroom performance like Ginger Rogers on speed and they can gaze adoringly at you, but without the vital spark that comes from experience, native wit and the innate understanding of other people, which makes up a sense of humour, the whore encounter can be as dead as a night with an inflatable doll.

The final key is to be relaxed; she’s so comfortable with herself that she listens properly to others and talks easily… a neurotic, flapping woman will never be a goddess.

Dress to impress.

It’s all about dressing appropriately, highlighting the good bits and minimizing the bad. You don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard so don’t have your bubbies hanging out and your bottom on display. Wear something flattering to your body shape and something suitable for where you’re heading off to.

OK, so you buy a nice pair of jeans that flatter your butt and you always clean your teeth, but it’s the little details that make you feel better and as a result more confident. I’m not talking about going out and spending millions just to doll yourself up for the night. I’m talking about painting your nails every now and again, buying a 99p face pack and pampering yourself. You may think it’s completely stupid and a total waste of time, but trust me… you feel so much more confident and happy when you do. It’s your inner as well as your outer beauty showing through.


Anyone can flirt but the truth is, not everyone can do it effectively. We all know how to toss our hair and how to run our tongues over our lips suggestively, but unless it’s carefully done there’s a very real risk of looking like a drag-queen, rather than the subtle creature of mystery you were intending. You don’t want to come across as someone who shrieks ‘I haven’t been laid for six months, what are you doing to do about it?’

Try to maintain eye contact and don’t reveal too much about yourself, keep the convocation light-hearted. A good flirt is never nervous; confidence is the key to success… remember to accept compliments easily. Once you’ve decided this person is right for you brush your fingertips lightly across their arm or knee during convocation.


‘I’ll come and make love to you at five o’clock. If I’m late, start without me’ – Tallulah Bankhead.

In my opinion a massage is the best way to get yourself and your partner in the mood. It’s always the easiest way of getting from heavy flirting to seduction.

As a trainee Hollywood vamp you need to know how to move seamlessly from gazing in to each others’ easy to slowly exploring each other’s mouths, and then beyond. It’s often an awkward moment, when noses bump or zippers get stuck. There comes a point, however, when it’s easier to continue your lovemaking than to back off, clear your throat and offer to make a cup of tea. You can of course, wait for them to make the lip-locking first move but it’s best to do it yourself when you are really ready.

Handle with care.

So long as you’re not too heave-handed or completely out of sync with each other, most sensory touching feels quite nice, but there’s a world of difference between ‘fairly pleasant’, and ‘Oh my God’. Clearly. This is your opportunity to be a tease… build the sexual tension.

You should be completely upfront with each other about what you want and what you don’t want. It saves a whole lot of embarrassment or disappointment later on. Only do things that your happy to do and always make sure you’re well protected. And don’t worry, most people feel a bit shy about it when they first start off but your confidence will grow with your experience.

You deserve only the best, from life, love and, of course, sex. No one feels like a Hollywood vamp all of the time; no one acts like one the whole time. But all women deserve to feel desirable, confident and loved. Keep telling yourself that you are, keep acting as though you are, and you’ve pretty much cracked it. If someone you loves keeps telling you differently, it’s their problem, not yours. The single most important thing for any Hollywood vamp to remember is that she’s worth it. Don’t let anyone bring you down, because you deserve only the best.

For a little inspiration take a look at Josephine Baker. In the 1920s, she was the first black dancer to star in the Folies Bergere and danced the Charleston sporting only coloured feathers round her hips. The ‘Black Venus’ reportedly received 1500 marriage proposals in her lifetime. A World War Two resistance fighter, she once escaped down Goering’s laundry chute, and was decorated for her bravery. After the war she adopted 11 children of different races and religions, and devoted her life to fighting racism. All whist maintaining the grace of a Hollywood vamp.

Josephine Baker: Hollywood vamp

Sophia Loren: Hollywood vamp

Tallulah Bankhead: Hollywood vamp