Stop bullying, stop emo-bashing.

If you’ve got a lip-piercing and a curtain of hair some crazy people will automatically think you cut yourself. Or sing songs about how numb/full of feeling you are. That is, they will call you an emo kid. Jazz Croft tells you how to deal with this if/when it happens to you…

Ever since Gerard Way screeched his first word about being misunderstood, it seems that emophobia has taken over. From train stations to school corridors (those open-minded and wonderful places…) shouting “fookin’ emo” seems as normal and accepted as magnolia walls.

Being a lover of all things rock n roll and having a penchant for skinny jeans, I’m a now seasoned tauntee. I’ve tried and tested many techniques to make companions look on in embarrassment and sometimes awe. We all grow out of it, but why not pick one of these rascals the next time you’re heckled for being an emo?

You’ll not only make some ignorant figure double-take as they make an effort to locate their brain cells, but you might actually enjoy the next time you hear the E word across the hall…

Smile

As it seems anyone who has broken your wall of upset (dur) is expecting you to break down and expose those slit wrists, give them a bit of sunshine!

Free Hugs!

And for that comment, they shall run. A marriage proposal is optional. Pleading for the buffoon to accept your gift of undying love/hugs/high five/children can, for some strange reason, send some hardcore hecklers to the nearest shelter.

Be surprised

“Really? Am I? Wow!” being called an Emo is just like winning the lottery. Aren’t they just the nicest for stating that fact?

Confusion…

“I’m sorry, I’m a…?” Stall that idiot until they’ve either run out of steam or made it to the finish line of fully explaining their prejudice and harassment of you. If the dear has made it that far, congratulate them profusely for being such an arse.

“Emo? Where?!”

Look round startled in search of the elusive Emo and then tell the no-brain “God, those bloody emos, where were they then? We should go hurt them.” be prepared to wait a while until they get the sarcasm.

“I’m a [insert opposing group]”

The vast majority of heckles come from people who could be seen to be in a stereotype themselves, so why not call yourself their group? “But dude I’m a chav through and through… Fiddy’s my fave!” Try not to be too sincere and watch their faces wilt when they realise you’re not actually in their tribe.

“Can you see the scars????”

Unless those lovely forearms of yours have straightener or fag burns on, bare them with a doe-eyed “man, could you really see the cuts?” confusing them with the mind-bending reality you’re not automatically a self-harmer just because you have a lip-piercing.

Hell yeah!

Emo and proud! Jump for joy! Profess all those icky preconceptions from the top of your voice. “Woooo! I cry myself to sleep every night! I have wet dreams about hanging myself!” Etc, etc.

“Dear Diary…”

“Mood, apathetic”. Put on your best impression of the song, and tell that douche: “My life is one big dark abyss”. Welcome to song terrorism: they won’t be able to get the anthem out their head all day (but then again, neither will you).

Walk on

May not be the most fun, but we’re not all bursting to the seams with wit all the time, and this could be the best, especially if the person’s bigger than you…