Zombie Apocalypse – how to survive

zombie apocalypse guide


So you’ve read the Zombie Survival Guide? Well, good luck with that. You can’t be flicking through a heavy tome when the zombie hordes arrive. Carry this article about your person at all times for an increased chance of survival.

How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

A guide for your convenience and basic awareness

The Zombie Apocalypse can happen at any time. People and animals can and will be consumed by the disease that destroys both flesh and mind. This guide is meant to give you readers – potential victims – the basic information needed for survival. Take it to heart; contemplate it, study it, make only slight changes (if you must) or your brain, your most precious resource in a time of such crisis, will be destroyed and/or eaten.

Zombie survival tips #1: Know your enemy

The most important part of any war (human versus human or otherwise) is knowing the opponent. How they act, what they think, their strengths and weaknesses, where they live, what they eat, how you may best evade them, and how to combat them.

Zombies act in groups generally; however, a lone zombie or a swarm of them is not necessarily uncommon in a large, cataclysmic outbreak. Lone zombies are generally not a large threat if one is well prepared to handle it. Zombies tend to be anatomically the same in strength and size as they were before being infected. Accepted belief is that their nerves don’t function correctly, detracting from their ability to feel pain and that creates a problem: If you shoot a zombie, it won’t do anything but aggravate it. This can be both a strength, (as not much will stop them but decapitation or damage to the skull,) and a weakness (as their flesh, though nerveless, is susceptible to much more damage given the fact that it is in a state of decay).

Zombies generally do not think intelligently as humans do, given that their brains have been addled by the disease. They will, however, follow their instincts. They can both hear and smell their prey. They are able to swim if the host for the disease was able to, and they can also remain underwater for prolonged amounts of time (they don’t rely on oxygen as humans do). They eat nothing but brains (obviously), however any brain will do and humans are not the only edible prey. The nature of a zombie is to keep fighting through physical loss (limbs, gashes, etc), and to eat when they can, whenever they can.

Zombie survival tips #2: Keep moving, keep busy

A general rule of thumb is that Zombies do not like fast food. Evasion is preferable to combat in most situations. Zombies are most attracted to stationary prey, as the scent does not travel and remains saturated in the air.

Staying in one place is not a good idea if you are in a group, as the smell of untainted human flesh will not be ignored. If you are a single person it’s easier to stay in one place longer; however, it is not advisable in case more than one zombie shows up.

Consider who will slow you down. Loud prey (small children crying, full grown humans stomping through the forest, barking dogs and such) is also an easy target for a zombie. It is wise to leave your pets behind and anyone who will/might hinder progress, if possible. It’s a harsh, unforgiving reality, but it is true: The more noise you make, the easier the zombies will find you, and the quicker your death will approach.

Keeping oneself busy will also help during the apocalypse on both a physical and psychological level. Physically, your body should be fit so you can run and carry what you can in case of an evacuation. Psychologically, it keeps your mind from being on alert 24/7. Though one should always remain alert, especially in concentrated areas, it is helpful in paranoia prevention. Nothing is worse than becoming paranoid and needlessly jumpy during a time of crisis, as it can turn a person mad very quickly.

Zombie survival tips #3: If you must stay put, stock up

This is suggested first and foremost as preliminary preparation. Even if you do not plan on staying stationary, do this anyhow, right now; you never know when the zombies will spawn, how much, how quickly, and where. Stock up on what you can, and urge others to do the same. Store non-perishable foods, water bottles, purification tablets and filters for the future.

Have a deck of playing cards for entertainment, a flashlight, matches, lighters, batteries, and above all: anything that can be used as a weapon (see step four for further weaponry advice). The apocalypse will happen, and when it does you want to be as prepared and ready as possible to either stay, or go.

If you plan to stay in a home, whether you are alone or with people, make sure everything is stocked upstairs. Zombies cannot climb too well, and high places are your friend in the first place because it gives a person much better vision of their surroundings. If you can, destroy any and all staircases possible, however make sure that you and anyone you are with have a quick way out of your temporary shelter in case of emergency.

Zombie survival tips #4: Weaponry do’s and don’’ts

Whatever weapon you choose must become one of your priorities during this time of chaos, as it must be used and treated like a fifth limb. Whether it’s a shotgun, a crowbar, a metal baseball bat or a bow and arrow, make sure you are skilled enough to wield it and wield it well. You cannot depend on anybody but yourself to protect you, or at least you shouldn’t. Take care of your weapon as if it is your child, and be aware that absolutely anything can be a weapon. Remember that the best weapon you have is your brain, and therefore the one that needs the most protection and nourishment. Treat your brain as you would any other weapon; learn as much as you can and utilize it, and you should be fine.

For more information on what to pack for a zombie apocalypse, from weaponry to essential survival kit, see our editor Magda Knight’s interview on the Mighty Goods guide to packing for the zombie apocalypse.

Zombie survival tips #5: Stay clean, stay healthy

This step is perhaps one of the most important. The zombie virus can enter through open wounds as well as bodily openings. It is advisable that if in combat with a zombie to wear as many protective, durable layers as possible. Gloves, masks, hoods, long pants, and boots are a must. Goggles are advisable, as are backup articles of protection. Make sure that the clothing you have is tight so the zombies can’t grab hold of it, and make sure your hair is either cut short, or pinned as close to your head as possible. Like many mookychicks out there, I absolutely love my long hair and probably couldn’t bear to part with it. But sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. When in doubt, cut it off. Better safe than sorry; it’ll grow back after all. Additionally, make sure you have first aid kits, water to bathe in, and as sanitary a latrine as you can create. Take care of yourself, make sure things are clean, treat wounds as soon as possible, and protect what’s worth protecting.

Zombie survival tips #6: Zombie Extermination

Zombie extermination should be one of the more obvious steps; it is a subject which can’t be skated over. The easiest way to destroy a zombie is to destroy its vital organs, just like the destruction of a human or animal. However where animals and humans have several vital organs that will prove fatal if destroyed, the only vital organ of the zombie is its brain: the center of motor control and instinct. Decapitation, skull smashing, and dismemberment is preferable (Note: dismemberment will NOT kill a zombie, only deter it. Be aware also that if you are remaining solitary, you should have several deterrents around you to alert you of the zombie’s presence). Electrocution is also advisable, if possible. DO NOT play around with electricity if you don’t know how to utilize it. If you must combat a zombie, the quickest and most basic way is through the destruction of the brain.

Disposing of the body should be through incineration, as the virus can contaminate valuable water supply. Breathing in the fumes of a burning zombie is gross, truth be told, but it can’t harm you as vitally as being infected through injuries.

Zombie survival tips #7: Evasion

Evasion is not always preferable to combat if the zombie is likely to follow. However evasion can be one of the most useful combat strategies out there. Make sure that wherever you are has an easy escape route, make sure that all group members know it like the back of their hands and are able to do it in the quickest, safest manner possible. For example: if in a house with a destroyed staircase, make sure there is a fire escape or ladder. In a tree or cave, make sure you can’t be knocked out of your hiding space or cornered. Above all, know the area, even if you are only there briefly. Avoid densely concentrated areas like big towns or cities, and make sure you are familiar with the climate of your region as well.

And there you have it; a simple guide for basic survival in the face of a zombie apocalypse. Prepare yourself, make sure you know as much as you can, and be able to run, fight, hunt, destroy, and above all, stay alive whatever the cost. There are many books out there about the zombie apocalypse, and I am not an expert on the science of this impending war. Find the books and read them. Familiarize yourself with what you need to do. Zombie Survival Guide is a book you can trust; learn it by heart as thumbing through pages could slow you down in the heat of combat and cost you your life.

I wish all of you mookychicks the best of luck, and hopefully we’ll all get out alive and unscathed.