Both too busy to have a relationship?

Both too busy to have a relationship?

Dear Mookychick,

Is it possible for two people to just be too busy to have a relationship? I live in the United States in the Midwest where I attend a prestigious art school, and I work part time at a restaraunt. My boyfriend goes to the state university about not far from my school, and he’s a manager at a movie theatre. Right now we both live with our parents in the suburbs about 15 minutes away from our schools in the city. He’s moving out of his parents’ house into the student apartments next fall. I’ll probably still be here, because I can’t afford to move out right now.

We are madly in love with each other, and we’re very close friends as well, but we only see each other once or twice a week. When I have a couple hours of free time, I’m dead tired, I just want to lay around and play online, or watch tv, and eat cookies. I know he feels the same way (which is how I have the time to write this letter).

We’re both very career-oriented, and we know we’re not going to spend the rest of our lives in Columbus, Ohio. We’d like to embark upon our careers in larger cities, LA, NYC, chicago, or some place. How are we supposed to hold together a relationship so early in our lives?

I’ve never gotten so attached to someone before. I always thought it was silly to attach yourself to someone else so early in life. He’s sensitive, and he tells me things. He tells me about how he doesn’t know how he’s going to get over me, when we part ways. I feel the same. We also still have three more years of college to get through. I hope we can make it through that. We’re thinking about moving in together in the next year or two as well. I would love to, and I want to, but I’m wondering if that will cause even more heart ache.

When you marry someone, you are commited to them and they come before everything else in life. right now, my boyfriend and I have the right to be a little selfish, we’re young and we have artistic careers that mean the world to us. It is possible for one of us to follow the other to a large city in the future if it comes down to it. I’d rather end up designing clothing in NYC or London, but if he needs to be in Chicago, I’ll go, I can work there, and I know he’d to the same. I guess my question is, do other people feel pulled between dream careers and love? Most of the girls I work with at the restaraunt are hopeless. they have babies. they live in apartments in the ghetto with their boyfriends, and waitressing is their career, for life. I want more than that.

Is it possible to have everything? My boyfriend and I mean everything to each other, but our careers do too. I don’t want to lose him.

Love, Anonymous Me xxx

The Mookychick answer to your problem

Amanda says…

Honey, I can’t really see what your problem is. If one of you objected to the other’s committment to their career there would be conflict, but as you both seem very focused on your careers and each other you sound really well-suited and mature. These are first and foremost your college years. Any years of the rest of your life can be playing and canoodling years – you have your whole lives ahead of you!

I understand you both have to work as well as study to make ends meet so you’re not spoilt or taking things for granted. Good for you! I wish you all the best with your studies, your careers and your lives together. Seeing each other two or three times a week is fine. Just make sure that occasionally you go out and let your hair down. You know what they say about all work and no play…


Magda says…

You don’t know what the future will hold, and will have to play it by ear. So talk about the future – it sounds like you have a great relationship, neither of you are afraid to do that – but remember that the future is created by the present. You’re always living in the present!

If you stopped seeing each other, you wouldn’t have time to see much of anyone else, either. So you might as well stick together in this one, since you both understand each other so well!

Everyone has different ways of making a relationship work. And your relationship sounds fine to me. Once or twice a week is plenty to see your boyfriend if you both understand why it is. And if you’re feeling knackered and tired, it’s often better to stay home and recharge then bring that exhaustion to your boyfriend’s door on a regular basis (and vice versa).

However, are you thinking that there’s a chance you both need to try a little harder?  Basically, just make sure you either (a) have a good time when you’re together, or (b) see each other more often if you feel the pair of you are getting too tired too often and are getting concerned about that. Whichever is more appropriate for your relationship.

It sounds like you’re both happy but taking on a lot of stress in your lives from the extra work after college.

Char says…

Aw honey, you both seem to have remarkably adult heads on your shoulders and that’s a good thing, in today’s hectic and socially pressured world!

It’s good that you are both passionate about your life and your futures – you seem to have struck a healthy balance, both having seperate lives aside from your relationship.

It’s all to easy to become ‘as one’ in your first relationship – or even subsequent ones, but especially the first – and lose perspective as your heart melts for another eventually moulding into one…eek!

So, we’ve established you love one another, and that there is an element of compromise, which is also a very promising sign.

I personally think you need to relax a bit – love will always find a way, if it’s meant to be.

Carry on as you are, enjoy your life, enjoy each other and remember, even if you don’t feel it, feelings can change, people grow in different directions and sometimes, just sometimes it doesnt work out – and that’s ok too.

Another three years is a long time at anyone’s stage in their lives, but especially in your teenage years because we’re ever changing and evolving, discovering who we are etc…so don’t worry too much.

Enjoy being in the happy contented equal relationship you’ve painted out for us, and allow yourselves to grow in your natural directions in life. You’ll be fine, you put most 24 year olds to shame *hmph*

Love Charlotte x