Boyfriend loves computer more than me
Im 18 and my boyfriend is 23. We’ve been together a while and I love him a lot but I think he loves his computer and his games more than me! He is very affectionate when he’s at my house or we’re out (which we don’t do anymore) but when I’m round his for the evening he is straight on his computer playing COD 4 or fixing something on his computer, leaving me playing with my iPod or reading a magazine for ages. We’ve spoken about it loads of times but he doesn’t see the problem. He tells me to get involved but I hate PC games and things like that – I can’t do them! I feel neglected and the other day I seduced him off of it and after we’d slept together he was back on it straight away! It’s only become a real problem since he lost his job and has become very moody and depressed but there is nothing I can do to make him feel better he won’t let me pay for us to go to the movies or go to dinner, he won’t let me spend any money on him at all so there is nothing for us to do! I stay away from him for days and evenings throughout the week so he can play on his computer but he’s still on it when I come over. He will watch a film with me if I ask but then he will be straight back to the computer. I actually want to smash his computer up. I love him to pieces and I know he loves me but I don’t wanna feel so neglected anymore – I don’t know what to do!
Love, Anonymous Me xxx
The Mookychick answer to your problem
If he loves you enough to stay with you, he’ll have to love you enough to pay a few sacrifices. Tell him that he’ll have to spend more time with you than his computer if your relationship is going to work. If he tells you to get involved, tell him that’s not good enough and that you want him to come out with you and spend time with you – and NOT go straight onto the computer afterwards. If he disagrees then it isn’t going to work out, which is a shame, but he has to be able to love you more than his silly games.
Yikes. Boys (and girls) who love their PC games do get pretty addicted; you won’t be able to wean him off the games really, it’s too much part of his personality. But you might be able to tweak things so he doesn’t play them as much when you’re around. I’m impressed that when he comes round to yours he’s properly affectionate – it sounds like you should get him round to yours more, because he won’t miss the computer while he’s there, and it’s a cheap option that won’t make him feel bad about losing his job.
It’s the losing the job bit that’s so difficult. He needs to find another one – and quickly – or he might seek solace in more playing of PC games.
My friend was in exactly the same situation. She’s still a bit stressed about it, but she’s made her boyfriend better about his games by inviting people over to his so he’s more sociable, getting him involved with cooking and recipes, and getting him out of the house more (even if it’s just for a half of cider in the pub, probably the cheapest drink in the world). She even tried to play the games. If you jump in the middle of a game it’s impossible. If you play a game from scratch, they give you an easy start where you get to learn the buttons one by one. That one didn’t work out so well – she genuinely doesn’t like them!
Basically, she recognised that although the games are genuinely fun, they’re also a safety blanket. Your boyfriend thinks he needs a safety blanket more than ever because he’s lost his job. You have to help him realise that his safety blanket should be a treat to enjoy, not something to disappear into at every opportunity.