Just good friends
I started going out with a wonderdul guy in the last few weeks, we’ve known each other for over a year, and for the past 6 months-ish, we’ve been closer that “just friends” really should be, we started dating after out first kiss (both our firsts), and I know that I love him, and always will, but here’s my problem, I don’t know if I love him as any more than a best friend, when we kiss I don’t get butterflies in my stomach, not even the first time…
I don’t daydream about him, and I still feel attracted to other guys, for all I know this is normal, and thats why I feel the need to ask, the problem gets worse seeing as I have no one to talk to about it, because I talk to him about everything, but for obvious reasons, this is one of those things that needs to remain behind closed lips….I guess in short, I feel caged by being a couple, I actually lied to him for a long time and told him that I was’nt allowed to date, mostly becasue I knew that I wanted to keep him as a friend as as a possible boyfriend, and partly because I didn’t think I was ready to be girlfriend, I just need a bit of mookylicious insight on the subject…
Love, Anonymous Me xxx
The Mookychick answer to your problem
Love is not a charity. It’s all fine and dandy for you and this lad to have had your first kiss together, but that doesn’t mean that you’re to be bound to him for all eternity. He served his purpose, which was to be your first kiss. But every bit of your being is telling you in no uncertain terms that you’ve had enough! You don’t want to end up feeling indebted to this poor guy and wind up 30 years from now married to him, clipping his yellowed toenails in front of the television with a quilted robe on just because you felt like it would be mean to dump him. Just think, if you’re lying to him now to try and get out of his octopus embrace, imagine how hard it will be when you’re 40 and he’s trying to convince you to go as the back end of a donkey to his office costume party.
Well I think you’ve already answered your own question throughout the problem you’ve told me…you just don’t fancy him! And you know what, isn’t it the most annoying thing in the world – pretty much all girls can relate on this one – that when you meet a fantabulous guy who listens, is caring and sensitive, your best friend, it turns out that he’s either gay or just not for you. It’s a bit bad when he ticks all the right boxes apart from the most important one and that’s sexual attraction. You have to want to be with your man, the lust part is the most intense feeling in the world, you shouldn’t miss out on that! If you don’t have sexual attraction then I’m afraid that, in my opinion, it just won’t work.
You have to have the firmest foundations on which to build your house on, otherwise some point in the future you’re gonna have problems.
I think you’re going to have to be honest with him. He’s your friend, so I think you need to treat him as such. I won’t recommend you become a coward and phase him out, but a face to face heart to heart about how you’re really feeling could do the trick. You never know, maybe he’s feeling the same thing?
Whatever you do, good luck, but it sounds as though you love him just as a friend.
Luv Char xx