My friend never pays her share

My friend never pays her share

Dear Mookychick,

I live in a house full of friends, but one of them is developing a real problem with respect. As we’re all students, we all don’t have a lot of money, but my problem is that this friend never ever says thankyou. I and others have taken her out on more than one occasion drinking and she has never said thankyou to anyone for being her personal drink buyer. Lifts here and there, dinners cooked, meals paid for, petrol, fags – all without a thankyou. She’s a nice girl, but its creating tension now between her and others and she’s completely oblivious to it! What should we do? ”

Love, Anonymous Me xxx

The Mookychick answer to your problem

Amanda says…

There are 3 types of people…

1) People who say thank you
2) People who may not say thank you but show their thanks and are always generous and doing favours for others
3) People who think they’re something special and that the world owes them.

Try to avoid the number 3s. They are pure parasites. Don’t feed them, give them lifts or do them any favours. However, if your friend is more of a number 2 and is just a bit sloppy with her pleases and thank-yous, have a chat with her and let her know that she’s pissing everyone else off and is in danger of beig cast out of your flock. Her lack of manners is not acceptable, neither is the fact she’s sponging off you all. Sometimes students who come from a privileged background, are so used to mummy and daddy buying the everything and doing everything for them that they don’t realise that there’s a big wide world outside their family where things aren’t just handed to them on a plate. She needs a sharp reality check. Let her know she must shape up or ship out!

Debs says…

It seems so petty, doesn’t it. Just wanting someone to acknowledge everything you’re doing for them. It really does seem so very, very petty. But it really annoys you when it doesn’t happen. Is that because you think they don’t appreciate everything you do, or because you are not as selfless as you thought you were. Which annoys you the most?

Probably the fact that she doesn’t acknowledge everything you’ve done, I know. You think she’s taking advantage. But, if I may play Devil’s Advocate here for a moment. Does she ask you to do all of this? Or do you all do this because you feel sorry for her? Why doesn’t she have any money for drinks, what is she spending it on that you’re not? Who buys all the toilet roll? If you sit back and think about it, you may find that she’s doing a lot of stuff for the house you never realised. Bits of house work here and there and that she might be feeling grumpy that you never thank her.

Or she may just take all this from you and feel too embarrassed to say anything. If you’re not used to people being kind to you, you might not always know how to act. You say she’s a nice girl, perhaps this is the first time she’s come across people acting like this.

Or perhaps as you’ve always been the ones to buy drinks, cook meals and drive places, she’s just come to expect it and thinks you people are ultra nice.

Or maybe she’s not really nice at all and is taking you all for a ride.

Now that’s a lot of questions I’ve just raised and, well you want answers. The problem is, I don’t have those answers. There’s one person who does though and she’s the one you’re not asking. So you need to talk to her about this, if she’s oblivious, make her realise what her behaviour is doing to the house, make her realise she’s not pulling her weight and you all feel you’re being taking for granted. She’ll get upset by it all and maybe she will start pointing out the bars of chocolate that get left in the fridge for you, or the sinks full of dishes that somedays get washed all of a sudden. And maybe half a dozen more things that you’re oblivious to. Or offer to buy you a drink.