So… I typed any old thing into Google

Amber plays the old ‘type the hell any old thing into Google and see what happens’ in order to discover if the internet is, indeed, awesome. Oh man, is it awesome. Wait, that last sentence should have had a question mark.

What gives? I type “the most awesome thing on the internet” and I get the biggest bunch of crap websites ever. Ridiculous. What am I supposed to do when I’m bored? Watch this stupid frigging Martin Lawrence film? Go to bed early? JC Chasez, no chance!

Ok. “The raddest thing on the internet”. What comes up? “Did you mean the saddest thing on the internet?” Yeah OK, whatever. Surprise me.

Some network blog something performance internet art. I said saddest thing on the internet, not geekiest.

So. “the geekiest thing on the internet”.

…And finally we’re getting somewhere. “Geekiest thing on the internet – I’m bored”. This sounds promising. Click click. Some forum about some chick who is bored as me. Not surprisingly, it’s sh*t boring.

Ok, next. “The funniest thing on the internet”.

Something about capitalism. Hilarious.

“Boringest thing on the internet”.

Some dude’s blog. Touche.

“Most boring thing on the internet”

(My shocking grammar made me cringe) – some design website.

“The coolest thing on the internet”

…A website about being bored. Incidentally, it’s crap and not remotely entertaining.

This is getting ridiculous.

“This is getting ridiculous”.

Something about Israeli conflict. I agree, but I’m still not entertained.

“Dammit internet, why won’t you entertain me?”

Blog, another friggin’ blog.

“I hate you, internet”

…IMDB entry on the surprisingly charming teen movie with Julia Stiles and Heath Ledger, ’10 things I hate about you’. Still not good enough. Are you trying to piss me off?

“Are you trying to piss me off?”

– http://www.thealmightyguru.com/Humor/Docs/WomensFashion.html

It’s OK, I guess. Didn’t really have me in puddles of mirth, though.

Okay.

• Dear The Internet,
• This is a hard letter for me to write. I never thought we’d come to this. After everything, the time we’ve spent together, the hours we’ve shared… there’s no way to say this gently.
• You’re a boring old asshole.