abandoned in Koko

Zoe has the ignominous experience of getting trashed in KoKo with two men she ‘knows’ (has met once before) and then being sneakily/drunkenly abandoned. Boooo! Hiss! Bad men! Bad! Don’t try this at home… or KoKo

And so begins a typical Friday night.

My friend and I meet up after work, go to Shoreditch, have some food, consume a lot of drinks. She gets too drunk and I end up in KoKo with a few guys I’d only met once. I must stress what a stupid idea this is and do not condone my actions. I won’t be repeating my evening.

Having had a few to drink by this time, dancing was well on the agenda (I love to dance). I’m feeling like a bit of a tag-a-long and stress to this to the only guy that I ‘know’ (by this I mean, having met once) he assures me its fine and no one thinks I’m a tag-a-long. So far so good, I think to myself. I’m not in this for the pulling game or potential copping off effect. For some stupid reason I thought there’d be a good slice of beef knocking around KoKo. How wrong I was. Teenagers in TopMan is more like it. Anyway, that aside I’m having a good ole dance. Until two of the guys tell me they’re going off somewhere and will be back in a min.

I’m like: cool. I’m dancing, so… cool. Then the other two tell me they are going off somewhere (you can see where this is going, can’t you?) I also think that’s fine, maybe the other two will come back. Oh, how wrong I am. I’m still very much dancing at this point, even though so drunk I can’t actually hear the music anymore. It doesn’t matter, dancing is fun! Until the unthinkable happens.

I fall over. And I don’t fall over a little, I fall over a lot. I’m wearing these stupid 5 1/2inch shoe boots, which without fail I fall over in when drunk. So I feel my feet slip out from under me. I think I can control it, but the alcohol is holding me back – or rather, down. I fall into the nearest group of people. I’m now on the floor (did I mention I’m in a really short dress? Well, I am) and hoping it’ll be some fit guy that’ll pick me up. It isn’t, these two guys are complete geeks. I sit there until they lend me a hand. I’m fully incapable of getting up on my own accord without falling. I’m also hoping a big hole swallows me up. It doesn’t and I try to muscle in with another group and dance with them. Until I tell one the girls I’m so embarrassed that I fell over. She tells me its OK, because I ‘looked good doing it’. Is she kidding me?! About then I realise I have been abandoned and that it’s my cue to leave.

I haven’t returned to KoKo and somehow don’t think I will. I have also deleted the guys from Facebook. I have learned my lesson and things could have ended up a lot worse. I cannot stress enough how much I don’t recommend anyone go to clubs with strangers / guys you’ve only met once. Please, do not try this at home.

Or KoKo.