6 Common Misconceptions About Autosexuality and Autoromanticism

autosexual autoromantic

I am sexually attracted to myself (autosexual). I’m also romantically attracted to myself (autoromantic). Even though my attraction is harmless, a lot of people have a problem with it.

As far as autosexuality is concerned, I’m a well-known voice in the community. I’ve written several popular articles about autosexuality and autoromanticism for sites like Quail Bell Magazine  and The Establishment. Every time I write something about autosexuality, I have to prepare for the dissent I get from others.

Here are the 6 most common misconceptions people have about autosexuals and autoromantics:

1.“Autosexuality is not a real sexuality.”

Some people are against autosexuality purely because they don’t recognize it as a valid sexuality.

It’s true: Autosexuality isn’t well known. I think it’s because most people aren’t sexually attracted to themselves. However, there’s more of us out there than you know. Our experiences as autosexuals are real. My relationship with myself is as real as a relationship you have with another person. In fact, the relationship you have with yourself is one of the most important ones you’ll ever have in your life.

I think it’s ridiculous how every sexuality that deviates from cis-heteronormative sex is considered “not real” or “Tumblr bullshit.” As though anything that deviates from being gay, straight, or bi is fake. Sexuality is complex and nuanced. Let people label their sexuality as they choose.

Your denial of our experiences doesn’t mean they aren’t valid. We are autosexuals and autoromantics whether you like it or not.

“You’re not attracted to other people.”

 People think all autosexuals and autoromantics aren’t attracted to other people. There are autosexuals and autoromantics out there who are only attracted to themselves and no one else. I’ve spoken with some. However, there are also those of us who are attracted to others.

I am polyamorous and am open to the idea of multiple relationships. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 13 years. I experience sexual and romantic attraction to others. However, I respond most intensely to myself.

I can’t make out with someone for too long because I either get bored or overwhelmed and need space. I never get tired of stimulating myself. So while many autosexuals and autoromantics have a preference for ourselves, it doesn’t mean we don’t like intimacy with others.

“You’re a liberal.”

People make assumptions about my political beliefs when they learn about how I identify as autosexual and autoromantic. For some reason, they automatically assume I’m a liberal.

I don’t identify as a liberal. I’m a radical. There’s a big difference between liberals and myself. Generalizing people you don’t agree with as “liberals” ignores the nuances that define our differences.

I’ve ran across material where people complain about autosexuality being “leftist propaganda.” The truth is the experience of being attracted to yourself isn’t confined to a political party. I see no reason why a Republican can’t be attracted to themselves.

Honestly, I’d appreciate it if you’d stop politicizing my sexuality in this manner. It’s unfair to those of us who don’t conform to your view.

“You’re mentally ill for being autosexual/autoromantic.”

I’ve been accused of having Narcissistic Personality Disorder and schizophrenia for being in a relationship with myself.

It’s true: I do struggle with mental illness. However, my autosexuality and autoromanticism aren’t reflections of my mental illness. I don’t “hallucinate” the relationship I have with myself. I have genuine romantic feelings and sexual desires regarding myself. I am in a real relationship with myself. I have an engagement ring to prove it.

I’ve flatout asked the mental health professionals if I have NPD. They’ve all said no.

I can see how autosexuality and autoromanticism are perceived as narcissistic. It was Narcissus who, according to the myth, stared into his own reflection until his body disappeared/turned into a flower. Based off of what other autosexuals have told me and my experiences, I think we autosexuals do have a special relationship with mirrors. We often use them for sexual stimulation and interacting with ourselves.

However, that doesn’t mean we’re going to stay in front of the mirror until we die. It also doesn’t mean we think we’re essentially better than others or have a personality disorder.

“You have high self-esteem.”

Honestly, people assume my experiences with autosexuality and autoromanticism are a result of having high self-esteem. Surprisingly, self-esteem is one of the things I struggle with, yet somehow, I still love myself. It is the lover in me that reminds me I’m beautiful, worthy of respect, and valid. I try to be a good lover to myself, but I don’t always do that properly.

Yes, the romantic and sexual feelings I have about myself do give me a confidence boost. Enjoying myself helps me enjoy my day better. But even being engaged to myself like I am doesn’t boost my self-esteem on down days. Ultimately, I deal with self-esteem issues like others do.

I’ve heard of some people “becoming” autosexual or autoromantic and dating themselves. I’ve heard some people cite a lack of dates and love in their life as their reason for entering a relationship with themselves. Not all autosexuals and autoromantics are like this, but they’re out there.

Personally, my autosexuality and autoromanticism don’t exist to fill a void. I’m genuinely attracted to myself like I would be to another person. I deal with my self-esteem issues in therapy. It’s complicated, I know, but as long as I let the lover in me prevail, I’ll be okay.

6. “Autosexuality isn’t natural.”

 I’ve heard religious people call autosexuality and autoromanticism “abominations.” Once again, autosexuality is not cis-heteronormative sex between a man and a woman.

Although I am polyamorous and have a partner, the autoromantic aspect of my life only requires me, not another person. For these reasons, people think autosexuality defies nature.

Autosexuality and autoromanticism come naturally to some of us. I started having romantic feelings for myself when I was around 12 (which is when I first came out to my cousin as bisexual), but I didn’t count my attraction as valid because I’m fat. My first sexual feelings for myself came around age 8.

I can’t stop you from thinking God hates autosexuals and autoromantics. Just don’t think your bigotry is acceptable because it has religious roots. You’re still a bigot.

If you’re autosexual, what kind of assumptions have you faced? Tweet me (@GhiaWasHere) to let me know!