Moving on

Fast food is a crazy phrase from the modern world that you only really give weight to when you’ve got a greasy noodle stuck in your teeth. ‘Moving on’… another term that’s all about our modern obssession with ‘fast’. Can you actually outrun yourself?

It seems like many strong ladies out there believe in the power of being aloof and unfeeling; of being able to hurt and get hurt one day and have a giggle and a cocktail the next.

Whatever happened to pausing? Life moves fast, and the pause button isn’t just there to stop a DVD and have a piss. I’m a firm believer in the pause button for life situations.

Don’t you ever wonder where all the hurt goes if you just ‘move on’? Did you ever wonder where the love you professed so strongly went? Did running away as quickly as possible from the problem really mean you left it in the distance eating your dust? You can’t always run from situations. Sometimes you have to come to a halt, little roadrunner, and clean them from your inner bits. Yes, you outran it – or so it felt at the time – but sometimes the problem’s still deep down in there, that pristine place inside you, slowly gnawing at you. Goodbye cold wall of strength… That lovely wall of denial will evaporate slowly over time, and darling, you’re going to be left with no fortifications around you. You’re going to be naked.

‘Moving on’ is a good thing to do and is expected of us, but it doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t mean being always on the move. You can’t just fast-forward to the future. Taking the easy route and doing everything fast-food, convenience-style is just one of the many ridiculous obssessions of our modern world. It is an insidious hidden value: We respect people who multi-task, who can go from one thing to another without going haywire. The truth is, those people go cry in the loo in secret. Those who pride themselves on being able to tough out any situation often develop some strange habit/addiction as a much-craved release – they end up losing control in order to feel they’ve gained it. It’s a way their subconcious lets them deal with the problem.

So, this elusive term, ‘Moving on’. Are we going to go out and party five nights a week, and arrange parties for the other two? Or are we going to stay in bed till mushrooms grow out of our hair? The answer is no to both (although the mushroomy option has obvious charms…)

When the world tells you to move on, it’s often in the unspoken sense of ‘You cannot be unhappy. Unhappiness is catching. It’s nasty! So Move On. Get back to Work. Get back on the Social Merry-Go-Round. Choose Life. But choose it quickly – or you’ll be classed a worldwide loser. So Move On.’

Beeeeeeep. Wrong.

I say be unhappy, especially if it is something serious like losing a love you’ve felt strongly. Yes, you know – your truest bluest love. It’s worth acknowledging that a big emotional event can mark us – we will not be the same.

The pause button gives you a chance to acknowledge your pain. Yes, there’ll be times for getting back into the swing of things – but if you pretend you never got hurt, the hurt will fester. And you’ll get hurt the next time, and the next, constantly lying to yourself, constantly storing up that secret hidden hurt till it comes out in funny ways you never expected.

Sometimes, when you hit the pause button and get some time to yourself, it doesn’t make any sense of the situation – it just hurts. But pain can be a beautiful emotion in its own right, if you give it a bit of breathing room and honesty. And by admitting to yourself that it hurts, you’re releasing some of the pain. It’s better for you – because you’re not the roadrunner. You can’t outrun that pain forever.

Yes, deep wounds leave scars. But do not fret, each scar is a story and experience that adds to your depth. It makes everyone distinct and individual.And, most of all, it shows that the wound has healed.